Call me Z

What do you recall of your first true dose (or doses) of cold adult reality, the realization which stripped away a happy misconception from childhood?

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12 Answers

Yin And Yang Profile
Yin And Yang answered

Yes. As a kid my sister and I were told "You two gotta get along because when we are dead you two will only have each other." "When we are gone you two will have each other"...... A sentence I held on to my whole childhood. As long as she was there, i'd be fine. Sure we knew we would have husband's and kids but as far as that one young family unit "When I am gone, you two will only have each other." It was a hard dose of reality when my sister took her last breath in front of me, my parents, and her husband. I never heard the line again "When we are gone you two will only have each other." 😔

Tom  Jackson Profile
Tom Jackson answered

I would have settled for anything happy in my childhood---even if it had turned out to be a misconception.

I lamented in my diary when I was 8, "Where did I get such parents, they're lice."

True story---unfortunately.

Being an adult has never been disappointing to me.

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Tom  Jackson
Tom Jackson commented
You're quite welcome, The Z
Darik Majoren
Darik Majoren commented
Tom such a powerful statement you wrote - "I heard the saying: "unless you can disconnect from the past, it is still "present" and will continue to affect your future."

It took me a while to forgive my mother fro dragging me all over the East coast to pursue her need to feel complete at the expense of my childhood.
You are a very complex and wonderful man. I might add an exceptional father as well. Good for you to be the parent you always knew could exist. your legacy is one that shall be revered by your children who love you.
Tom  Jackson
Tom Jackson commented
Thank you for your comment, DJ. It is amazing how much horror a parent can potentially rain upon their children.

When I did some intense therapy with regard to my childhood abuse, I likened mu feelings to those of Holocaust survivors.
My therapist later made the comment that many victims of child abuse liken their experience to that someone in a concentration camp survivor.

Parents can be very selfish people when they put their own needs/wants ahead of that of their children---as in the case of your mother.

Forgiveness is not necessary for healing, but after we have recovered from abuse, it is sort of proof that we have actually healed.

Regards...
Call me Z Profile
Call me Z answered

The first I recall was the death of my great-grandfather when I was 5. Great old guy. As I saw it then, he just never came back around. I missed him. Mortality makes poor discussion with a 5 yr-old.

So then, there was, of course, that whole business about Santa Claus. Reasoning the sheer logistics of his "ride" killed the belief. I never had to be told.

But before that, and maybe as a clue to it, I met astronomy in grade school. Understanding how puny we are in the vastness of space made me look at the stars differently, assess the world and my beliefs differently.

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Yin And Yang
Yin And Yang commented
You were very inquisitive to look at the universe that way at such a young age. I am sorry about your great grandfather. 😔
Call me Z
Call me Z commented
He died the very next dat after we watched the moon landing together. The last thing I remember we talked about was how much he'd seen in his 96 years.
dragonfly forty-six Profile

I'd like to answer the question that you posed in Tom's comments.

I was three and was just betrayed by both parents, I had a little mental breakdown for awhile. When I came around again, I almost lost myself again, when I realized that this wasn't going to end any time soon.

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Yin And Yang
Yin And Yang commented
Your answer broke my heart my friend. THREE!!! A mini mental breakdown at three!?!? Horrible of your parents!!! HORRIBLE!! They should have protected you!
Call me Z
Call me Z commented
Tom- lucky them. I first came across the breed with exceptional parents when I went to college. Opened my eyes.
Tom  Jackson
Tom Jackson commented
I still look at them in wonder.
Water Nebula Profile
Water Nebula answered

That moment when I go to school and realize that will be my prison for a year. Dry, and bleak, and suffocating. The tomb I will live in for those months, and all my effort to no avail in such an outdated education system. Wasting day by day, working towards a time that may never come. Like the poor unfortunate souls of helheim, seeking glory but never able to attain it...

I think I misunderstood the question :3

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Call me Z
Call me Z commented
No worries. It made for interesting reading. Regardless.
Darik Majoren
Darik Majoren commented
Maybe Loki will intercede and deliver you from such a fate . . .
You should try having to go to "Bible Camp" . . . much worse.
Toni Pauze Profile
Toni Pauze answered

If I'm going to get to adulthood, I'm on my own.

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Call me Z
Call me Z commented
What was it that sunk that reality in for you?
Toni Pauze
Toni Pauze commented
An orphanage in the 50's.
Toni Pauze
Toni Pauze commented
In all fairness to them, they weren't the ones that put me out on the street and drove off. When that happened I knew I had to take care of myself and little brother and sister. I was only 9.
Levi F. Profile
Levi F. answered

The first time I was bullied was a cruel alert to the way the world really works.

KB Baldwin Profile
KB Baldwin answered

When my father married the ESM (evil stepmother).  I suddnly realized that not all families were mopt the Cleavers. 

Darik Majoren Profile
Darik Majoren answered

I think my mother was done being a mother before she left home.

She had been the oldest of 6, and it was her duty to "Help" raise her brothers and sisters. I think she had to give up a bit of her childhood in doing so. By the time I was 8, my oldest sister had become nothing less then a raging shrew thanks to her vast amounts of teenage angst. When my Memmere died from cancer that same year, my mother gave up on my sister, and let her leave home at age 16. What I hadn't realized until much later in life . . . my mother gave up on the entire family. My father had had PTSD after the Vietnam war, and that aided her decision to leave . . . I went with her, not so much as a son, but as a piece of luggage she would tote from one place to another . . . something she could talk AT but not TO.

It was odd to see her take on so many "Big Sister" girls . . . It was like she was trying to relive or redo the failure with my oldest sister . . . this time with "God" in her pocket and salvation being the "End Game" for each girl she took under her wing . . .

She often says to me "Your a good father." and I say "I know I am." without being conceded about it and without apologizing for not returning the compliment.

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Darik Majoren
Darik Majoren commented
Sorry, I decided to be a bit more "Forthcoming" since it seemed a good outlet.
Call me Z
Call me Z commented
No apologies needed. This is what I'm aiming for in these questions.
As I said to dragonfly, it is hard to account for how many have endured abysmal parenting. That any of us are well adjusted is a notable achievement,
PJ Stein Profile
PJ Stein answered

I am one of the fortunate ones. My memories of my early childhood are almost all good. We didn't have much money, and there were people around that made some poor choices, but my parents did a good job shielding us from the worst of it. We always knew we were loved, and we knew there were boundaries that we were not to cross or let others cross. It wasn't until I was almost 13 when my parents' marriage imploded. That was when the veil of childhood ended. 

Danae Hitch Profile
Danae Hitch answered

I believe I was in grade school when a friend showed up at the door to ask if I could come out and play. The problem was that she interrupted a beating I was given by my mother. My mother told me that I couldn't be friends with her because she had no manners. It took me a while to understand that my mom was afraid she would tell someone what she saw so my mother shut off communication with her and her family.

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Call me Z
Call me Z commented
I recall your previous comments about overcoming your own admitted parenting issues, and finding help from a dear friend.
Surely not having good parenting skills modeled to you as a child affected your approach as an adult, how could it not?

We've seen so many of our group here endure troubled childhoods at the hands of lousy parents.

Makes a statement about how prevalent it is...talk about doses of cold reality.
Danae Hitch
Danae Hitch commented
I agree. So many of us have had damaged childhoods; some have triumphed; some are still struggling. But we made it through. I count that as a win. Good question.

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