 This is a tough one.
I understand the dilemma you are
facing, I have faced it too. Your
loyalty to your friend inspires
anger at the husband who is
betraying your friend, and makes
you want to protect her by warning
her. Being her friend, you do
have, IMO, an obligation to make
sure she is aware of what is
happening.
BUT (and this is very important),
when dealing with issues which are
going to be so emotionally charged
as this one, I would not like to be
the bearer of bad tidings. Even
though there would be nothing wrong
with you telling her, she may very
well not thank you for it, and it
could even be the end of the
friendship. This is the sort of
thing where the old "cut Off the
head of the bearer of bad tidings"
applies. One would hope that being
a good friend, she would understand
why you had to tell her, but
emotions are not reasoning or
logical.
Therefore, I would let her know,
but in some anonymous manner...
Like a typed letter mailed
anonymously. It should merely
suggest that she should look into
the situation, and possibly point
out a direction where she could
investigate to find out the truth,
if possible.
THEN, if she finds out, she will
not blame you. On the other hand,
if she later finds out that you
were aware of it, and gets angry
because you knew it and did not say
anything, you could then say "I did
tell you... You got my letter.".
And if she then wonders why ya
decided to use such a letter, you
can explain the reasoning. |
 23 Aug 2008 19:35
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If you care, why not speak to him
about this and see how it works
out, maybe he will see the light
and change things, maybe not. |
24 Aug 2008 06:04
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I think she should be told gently
and lovingly- this is so hard, and
will be devastating, perhaps, you
should confront the husband first,
telling him you know and if he
doesn't stop it and tell his wife,
you will tell her. |
23 Aug 2008 22:16
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Being pulled into two directions
isn't much fun.i wouldn't necessary
tell the wife what was going on
right away at first,this would
probably hurt her a lot more coming
from you.i would confront your
friend the so called husband,tell
him you think what he is doing is
wrong and that if he doesn't stop
you may consider ending your
friendship and telling his wife.it
selfish for your friend to put you
in this predicament in the first
place if hes willing to betray his
wife then he is able to betray you
in the same regards.there's really
no comfortable outcome out of the
situation,you should tell your
friend how you feel then keep a
safe distance. |
23 Aug 2008 21:25
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 Wouldn't you want to be told if it
was happening to you? |
27 Aug 2008 10:02
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Trust your instincts. |
18 Sep 2008 21:19
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I would sure want to know if my
spouse was stepping out on me! I
don't think I'd tell the victimized
spouse in a blatant way, but I'd
find a way to let her know what's
going on, and let her take it from
there. If she decided not to speak
to me after that, at least I gave
her the information that frees her
from being/looking like a fool.
Usually the wife finds out
eventually, and then she thinks
back on all the people that COULD
have had the decency to let her
know that her husband was doing
this, and mistakenly feels these
people condoned it. |
11 Sep 2008 03:57
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I think that you should type a
letter to the wife, mail it from
another town near you. Give the
details that she can use to find
out herself, sign it anonymous. |
07 Sep 2008 00:56
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You have to tell she is your close
friend. Both of you are suppose to
have each others back even in
things like this. |
31 Aug 2008 21:19
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I would tell her, better for a
friend to tell her than someone
else. Besides if and when she does
find out and finds out you knew and
didn't tell her then she will be
mad. I would rather someone be mad
at me for telling them rather than
them be mad at me for keeping it to
myself. |
26 Aug 2008 04:02
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If its a close friend, she deserves
to know. |
24 Aug 2008 06:19
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I would talk to the husband first
and tell him you are going to his
wife if he doesn't douse the office
romance. Your friend may not be too
happy to hear the news from you but
in the end.. She has the right to
know what a jerk he is. |
24 Aug 2008 02:42
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You should confront that cad, and
tell him that if he doesn't break
it off, then you are going to tell
the wife. Put the best poker face
on you can, and mean what you say
to him! You should also tell this
'female' the very same thing. Is
she also married? If so, mean what
you say to her as well. Give them 2
days to cease all activities, and
then from there go to your friend. |
24 Aug 2008 00:08
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If this goes on, eventually, she
will find out and it will be
apparent to her that you knew about
it but kept quiet. Maybe saying "
it seems like they are too
friendly" would be better than
telling her your assumption. Ask
her to interpret what you see. |
23 Aug 2008 20:18
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