Another humor group! This group is about the words we see here and elsewhere misspelled, misused, thrown together, abused, and well....--basically slaughtered everyday. Here we laugh at ourselves, as we all have a chance to 1) define the meaning of those hybrid words we all see when we hit the wrong key or forget how to spell and/or 2) give funny new definitions to real words, and/or 3) just make fun of/with what we can do with words. Hey - I've even created a thread for putting together words to make weird book titles-- and you can describe what the book would be about! Every thread here stays open, so just add your own contributions when you feel like it, or create your own fun threads. We're here 24x7, 365 days a year (and more in leap years). WooHoo! Let's get creative! Hop right in and HAVE FUN! (The only thing we ask is that you please keep the page rated "G", as we may have young visitors.) |PS: | Another fun group (if you like this one you will probably like it, also): Ask Maxine |
Last edited by  Amore01  20 Feb 2008 22:04:19
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Funny Spelling Bloopers |
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Here are actual instances of misspelled words in term papers, news articles, and elsewhere that give the sentences they occur in totally different meanings:
- While working for a security firm, Dennis Spradling was given written orders stating, "You are not allowed to except any bribes." [accept]
- Floods from the Mississippi may be prevented by putting big dames in the river. [dams]
- Grace Varney's voice broke with emotion as she clutched her toe-headed daughter as her son clung to her side. [tow-headed]
- Full coarse meals. [course]
- Every morning my father takes exercises to strengthen his abominable muscles. [abdominal]
- During peek season the beach is covered with hundreds of bikini-clad beauties. [peak]
- The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. [pistil]
- Many people believe he was a Satin worshipper. [Satan]
- In Pittsburgh they manufacture iron and steal. [steel]
- Carats, two for 39 cents. [carrots]
- My uncle suffers from sick as hell anemia. [sickle-cell]
- They gave William IV a lovely funeral. It took six men to carry the beer. [bier]
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Word Abuse In Metaphor/Analogy |
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Gems from actual high school and college essays that will have you rollin'!
~Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
~His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
~He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country, speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
~Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
~He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
~The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
~The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
~From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.
~Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. At a speed of 35 mph.
~They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
~John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
~He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
~Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
~The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
~The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for awhile.
~He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
~It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
~dribbleglass |
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Last edited by Amore01 20 Feb 2008 15:11:47
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Bad Fiction Writing - LOL! |
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"Awash with unfocused desire, Everett twisted the lobe of his one remaining ear and felt the presence of somebody else behind him, which caused terror to push through his nervous system like a flash flood roaring down the mid-fork of the Feather River before the completion of the Oroville Dam in 1959."
-- Grand Panjandrum's Special Award, 1984 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
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"Delores breezed along the surface of her life like a flat stone forever skipping along smooth water, rippling reality sporadically but oblivious to it consistently, until she finally lost momentum, sank, and due to an overdose of fluoride as a child which caused her to suffer from chronic apathy, doomed herself to lie forever on the floor of her life as useless as an appendix and as lonely as a five-hundred pound barbell in a steroid-free fitness center."
-- Winning sentence, 1990 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
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The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know.
-- Winning sentence, 1986 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
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It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents - except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.
-- Bulwer-Lytton
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As the hippo's jaws clamped on Henry's body he noted the four huge teeth badly in need of a clean, preferably with one of those electric sonic toothbrushes, and he reflected that his name would be immortalized by his unusual death, since hippo killings are not a daily occurrence, at least not in the high street of Chipping Sodbury.
Tim Lafferty - Horsell, Woking, UK
2007 Winner in "Adventure" Category
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Last edited by Amore01 05 Mar 2008 21:55:41
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Funny: How We Use Our Words On Signs And Notices |
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Last edited by Amore01 24 Mar 2008 18:22:05
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When To Pay Close Attention To Words |
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Do you pay much attention when you apply for an imoportant job? These are some very real lines from actual CVs, resumes and letters from applicants that could mean, unfortunately, they will have a better chance of NOT getting the job!
· I am very detail-oreinted.
· My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
· Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
· Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
· I am sicking and entry-level position.
- It's best for employers that I not work with people.
- Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
- I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.
- If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
- My fortune cookie said, "Your next interview will result in a job." And I like your company in particular.
- You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding candidate!
- I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.
- Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.
- Please disregard the attached resume—it is terribly out of date
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Last edited by  Yergamon 06 Jul 2008 23:06:44
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Robbier44 |
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I'm a New York gal who grew up and still lives on Long Island. Jones Beach, Fire Island the Hamptons, the Montauk Lighthouse,... |
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 SUMMARY OF CONTENTS |
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GROUP USERS LIST |
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RELATED GROUPS |
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Welcome, Hersheysue. I hope you have some fun here.
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| by Robbier44 |
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Glad to have you aboard, yergamon.
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