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Sasq
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09 May 2009 |
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I’ve made a mistake in the past and allowed myself to believe that I could actually get with someone who was already in a relationship. Do not worry, I didn’t make a move and cause any unnecessary unhappiness for the couple. I allowed it to linger inside; thankfully, after many months I finally feel that I can move on… which isn’t to say that I now dislike this person, because I still very much find her attractive and interesting - it’s just that I’ve realised I can be happy with someone else.
My attention has turned to another friend of mine who is single. You see, I have a lot of trouble approaching random girls that I do not already know, so I’ve figured the best way for me to get into a relationship is through knowing the person beforehand.
The girl is simply adorable and I have no doubt that she’s much better looking than me and she could practically get any man she wants - and this is why I feel that I don’t have much time if I decide to make a move. I have known this person for less than a year, but this isn’t to say that I am willing to risk throwing away the friendship we have. We work alongside each other.
I’m just hoping I am able to speak with someone about this issue and get as much advice as possible, because it’s very difficult to speak seriously to some of my friends. Thanks for reading.
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Sasq
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09 May 2009 |
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Especially after reading some threads I am very worried about how I handle this. It’s difficult for me, because as I’ve said I can’t really approach random girls in a night club, for example. I don’t have the confidence. I just need to figure out if she likes me or not, without her knowing that I’m interested in her in case it destroys our friendship - but this is impossible…
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Nanat
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09 Jan 2009 |
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To begin: A love/dating relationship that begins as a friendship is the best relationship of all, in my opinion. You already know that you can enjoy the other persons company without having sex or security issues. You begin the relationship by having something in common, each other. In your case, you even have work in common. A word of caution, however: That can become a sticky issue if this dating thing does not work out. Otherwise, it seems that you are on solid ground.
How to approach this possible romantic interest: I would think that an offer of a cup of coffee or a drink after work would be acceptable...."This has been one heck of a day. How about about we go unwind with a drink?" Or: "I have no plans for supper tomorrow night, would you like to go for a pizza after work?" Keep it simple, keep it casual and see what happens. If she turns you down once, don't just give up. She may have a legitimate excuse for saying no the first time you ask her out. You may want to keep things on the casual plane for the first 2 or 3 times you go out...a ballgame, a concert and picnic in the park, a miniature golf game, bowling etc. Don't try to immediately overwhelm her with your romantic dates. Give her time to grow into the idea. Listen to her and see how she is responding to your advances. Along about the 3rd date, tell her that you would like to take your friendship to a more romantic level and see how she reacts. If all goes well and you have had fun up to that time, you are off to the races! As far as her being more attractive than you, don't allow that to hinder your desire to date her. She may not be looking for the handsome male stud. She may be looking (if she is smart) for someone that is intelligent, fun and caring and someone that has the potential to give her the future of her dreams. You just might be that white knight!!
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Sasq
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09 May 2009 |
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Thanks for your great advice. We do go for coffee etc. Only it's always with the rest of the colleagues. Which I don't mind. How would you suggest I get around this? Thanks again for your quick response.
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Redpearl75
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09 Jan 2009 |
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Hello my dear friend. I'm simply amazed, kinda shocked, and am simply speechless by reading what you said at first, as believe it or not this is the exact same situation I am in. And when I say same, its is exactly the same. Every bit of it. Its all what I am going through, but the only difference in the situation that you have and the one I have is that, I have already approached her and told her the way I feel for her. I don't know what the girl you like knows about you, but the one I love knows every bit of me inside out. And I helped her to know me better as I believe in the fact that if you feel like that for someone, you should look into yourself first before moving on in that same direction. Ask yourself, what is it that will make someone like you and love you the way you love her, what is that, that makes you different. You should respect yourself before respecting someone else. Self respect and self realization is the most important element in any relationship. And at the same time give that respect equally to the person that you like. You need to understand her inside out befor making the move is what you think you should do. But my friend trust me this whole life is all about discovering people and, different things. Don't just wait to know her so long that its actually late. Tell her the way you feel for that person as the more you keep all your feelings inside for her and pretend to be just a friend, the more its going to hurt you and the more you will get dissapointed. So instead of waiting for that long, say directly to her the way you feel for her and let her understand you, read you, and feel you befor she eventually decide one you. After saying that, you need to give her all the time that she needs to think about you. Don't just go and put yourself on her, instead think of all this by putting yourself in her shoes and then you'll have your answer. Respect the decision that comes your way. As you can do nothing about that except trying to make her understand that you are the best person that she can ever be with. As its not true. Have some fate on faith and accept whatever is the outcome. Don't blame yourself because of all this. No matter what happens, hold your head high and don't ever loose hope. As love is all about hope and Trust.
Take care.
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Sasq
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09 May 2009 |
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I haven’t known this girl for a long time at all, we are still discovering each other I suppose - day after day. It’s a slow process. Thanks for your advice, what you have said makes sense. I did notice, however, you didn’t state if your friend felt the same way? I hope it worked out for you. Thanks.
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Redpearl75
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09 Jan 2009 |
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Well, I told her bout the way I feel for her on 2nd of April, and in between these times we had a huge misunderstanding between us thrice, but it got solved somehow, she is someone who has been cheated by the one she loved and she is broken too, and for her its a tough thing to trust anyone right now, Though I tried my best to make her understand that I love her and I want to be with her. But you know what, you can only tell something to someone and cannot make that person feel unless and until she is willing to or in a state to think..... I have done whatever I could to prove myself to her, but I know its not that easy for her to fall in love again, and I believe that I'm going to have a "No" as her answer, I don't know but my inner self says that it would be, still I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst..... I'm glad at least that I told the person I love, that I do.....
I really don't need anything in this life, just someone to love and I know all the rest of the things will fall into place after.... I don't know when will someone like that walk into my life.... I hope the best for you too my friend and wish you all the very best for this and everything that comes as well....
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Advice Needed, I'm Useless.
Advice Needed, I'm Useless. 
