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Jaimesix |
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Baby Blurter |
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06 Aug 2007 |
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I commited the mistake ( ill advised ) to be low key and befriend this girl so that she would be confortable with me. fact is, it backfired and I ended up in the "friends" pit. I like her a lot, and we are very good friends, we have a good time together, but I want more than just that, and she enjoys me a lot, but, like I said, as a "friend". She says she does not want to lose my friendship, she can not understand why I am so adamant about nbot wanting to be a friend if there is no hope for me as a BF to her. We had a heated argument on sat night when I was trying to ask her out on a "date", as opposed to our friendly meetings were we study together and do friends stuff. I felt humilliated and bellitled when she told me she only sees a friend in me, that she is not attracted to me as a BF, and I got hurt.
She repeatedly told me she likes me a lot as a friend, and that she does not want to lose me as a friend. I replied it is way to humilliating and sad to see her through a filter of friendship, to see her like a forbidden think out of my reach, and I said I was not interested in becoming exclusively her friend.
I refused to accept those degradating terms, because I can not see myself looking at her eyes, talking to her, with that invisible but omnipresent barrier that would make her unatainable.
I said no way, I am sorry, but, I can not be your friend, while I feel this for you. It was a sour ending to a long and good friendship.
Should I apologise to her? or should I forget about her? Staying as a friend makes me feel like a horse in a stable, like she keeps all these men that like her as friends, makes me feel like cattle.
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Lovelyme |
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31 Jul 2007 |
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hi, jaimesix, welcome to love consultancy! I can understand how you feel about the girl. I think she is selfish, acutally most women are selfish in relationship including me of course! My advice is if you have no chance and you feel bad to surround her as a friend, then the answer is very clear -- leave her immediately! Its not worth to spend more time with her, which only makes you feel worse. To chase a girl sometimes like a running, if you run after her very hard, she would run faster, but if you slow down, she would slow down as well. And if you go away, she would turn back and chase you. So if you leave her, you may have a chance to change her mind, but if you stay around her, the chance is zero. TRUST ME. Leave her, and be a better man, maybe you will change your mind as well by finding some one who loves you. The world is so big, leave her immediately is the best choice for you now.
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Azriel9 |
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08 Aug 2007 |
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Hi. I'm sorry, but I can't 100% agree with what lovelyme just said. jaimesix, I do agree with the fact that you should give yourself some space away from your good friend, and yes there is a 50/50 chance to change her mind when you do. But if doesn't turn out the way you expect it to be, learn to accept the fact that you cannot make someone love you. You can't force someone to be with you. That's not love. That's being selfish.
I would want someone to choose to be with me because she wants to and because she feels the same way too and not because she must or because I left her with no choice or she risk losing the friendship.
I don't mean to be harsh. I just think that one should try to keep the friendship with a good friend. In life it's very rare to come by good friends, so to the precious few, we should hold on to.
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Lovelyme |
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31 Jul 2007 |
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yeah, azrie1p, i agree that you cant force someone to love you, but the situation is jemisix is suffering by being around with her as a friend. Men and women are different, if men love some one, they will love or not love, there is no in-between, or its impossible to change this feeling to friendship. So i think he should leave her.
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Azriel9 |
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08 Aug 2007 |
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Note to lovelume: I think you are right when you said there is no in-between for men when it comes to loving someone. It's either you'll have me or NON at all. Hhhmmm. It usually is the girl who are more accepting when it comes to unrequited love and chooses to be friends rather than nothing. Don't you think?
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Lovelyme |
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31 Jul 2007 |
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yeah, i think so. Women are more flexible in all sorts of relationship.
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Compati3 |
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14 Aug 2007 |
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Hey everyone... Wow, jaimesix. I think I can relate to this situation really well. I usually find myself in the position of your lady friend. This is a tough situation for both of you! I tend to participate in a lot of "male dominated" sports, such as snowboarding, skateboarding and billiards. I have met a great many guys who I've had interest in befriending. The problem seems to be that they sometimes want a little more than friendship, when I really don't feel that sort of connection. It's a tough situation, but I have encouraged my guy friends (coming from exactly your shoes) to make the best decisions they can to take care of themselves. If that means that we can't be friends (either just for a while or forever), then that is what needs to happen (however sad that may be for us both!). I want the people I care about to be happy, even if that means I have to be without them as my buddy. I have found more often than not, that these guys have spent a little time not hanging out with me and have come back to the place where they've been able to be friends again, without pressing for more. Some of these guys have ended up being my very best buddies and we're both on the same page!!
I'm sorry that the feelings you have for this girl aren't reciprocated. That is a hard thing to deal with all by itself. :( My recommendation to you is to do what I've told my guy friends in the past. Take some time to reflect for a while. You may need to take a step back and just kind of sort through what you feel and how you can best take care of yourself. It's important that you are happy, and though you cannot make someone feel what you feel, you can choose to accept it or not. Take your time, take care of yourself and who knows? Maybe you'll find yourself in the shoes of one of my best friends. He has absolutely no romantic interest in me anymore and we are really, really close. :) Good luck, friend!
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Lovelyme |
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31 Jul 2007 |
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hi, compati3, thanks for sharing your story for us. I think its good to give different opinions from different view! lets wish jaimesix feel better soon.
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Im in the exact situation as you jaimesix, to me if she is really worth it to you, then you should try and stay friends, care for her as much as you can. Who knows she might change her mind. Miracles happen everyday.
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Lovelyme |
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31 Jul 2007 |
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Hi, cosmo102, welcome to the group and thanks for your opinion. I am glad that u hv postive attitude towards this, yeah, like u said, miracles might happen!
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Vampiress6 |
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06 Feb 2008 |
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Um not to be rude or anything but seriously in my personal experiances girls who say that they just see you as a freind chances are that they arent gonna change their minds any time soon but hey you can try
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Mz_927 |
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12 Feb 2008 |
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Then only remain friends until she changes her mind! Forcing her to be your girl friend could push her away
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I like this girl a lot, but she told me she wants to be friends only
I like this girl a lot, but she told me she wants to be friends only 
