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Lovelyme
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31 Jul 2007 |
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I dont like my boyfriend biting his nails. Also i dont like him smoking. But its really difficult to get him to quit these two.
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Usually, those two habits are attributed with stress (biting nails attributed to childhood stress in particular). Maybe help him relax more?
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Lovelyme
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Executive Blurter |
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31 Jul 2007 |
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he is quite laid back person. He bites when he has stress but also bites when he does not have stress. For example, he will bite his nails while watching a comedy, what can i do? Once i hit him when he biting:), but it does not help, and he always remember that.
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"Laid back" people often have internalized their stress, which allows them to be quite laid back on the outside, while wrestling with issues, even unconsciously, in behaviors like smoking, biting nails, over eating or other kinds of things. Also, nail biting can be a quite harmless habitual way of relieving unacknowledged stress, although perhaps the habit is annoying to both the person himself and to others. If he wants to change this behavior (and THAT is more key than if anyone else wants to change it), and it has become habitual (in that he does not sometimes even realize he is doing so), the first step is becoming aware in the moment of when he is doing it. Many people find it helpful to do something as simple as this to become aware of when exactly they are doing a certain habit (as it has become quite subconscious after awhile): Wear a rubber band on the wrist and engage one or more trusted people as partners to help observe behavior. The person, each time he becomes aware he is doing this thing, snaps the rubber band/elastic on his wrist. This may be a result of his own realization in themoment, of or of someone calling his attention to the fact that he is doing it. The action helps the person associate the circumstances under which he does this behavior, and provides a framework for understanding when he is most likely to engage in the habit, and provides some insight as to when he is feeling stress or anxiety associated with the behavior/relief. Once he is consciously aware of when he does this behavior, he can begin to be consciously aware of the conection between what he is feeling and what he is doing (biting nails) so he can consciously make a choice not to do it. Lovelyme, this may require more explanation, but I know it is effective for habitual behaviors like theone you are describing. Let me know if I can provide additional information or clarify. :)
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Lovelyme
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Executive Blurter |
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31 Jul 2007 |
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Hi, amore01, i am surprised to know that laid back person has stress inside, but i think you are right. Comparing what you say with my boyfriend's behavior. I am trying to stop his bitting nails habbits by staring at him angrily, so he would stop. And also check his nails regularly, i hope what i m doing not increase his stress...
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Nycgirl
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Fresh Blurter |
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23 Oct 2007 |
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I don't like that my partner gets angry so easily! He has a nasty temper,but he says he is trying to work on it! I am a calm person in comparison!He says when he gets stressed out he gets angry! I am a peaceful and easy going woman!
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Lovelyme
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Executive Blurter |
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31 Jul 2007 |
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Hi, nycgirl, welcome to the group!
I am the opposite! I have a really bad temper and my boyfriend is a really calm person, maybe thats why i love him ;)
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What kind things you dont like about your partner?
What kind things you dont like about your partner? 
