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amore01 |
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07 Aug 2007 |
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Haven’t we all had trouble with our animals!
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
Recently, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel like coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. One morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested from the shower. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
I came forth dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent, outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal that drew me into its gnashing teeth, it was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. At the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered, snagging them with her needle-like claws. My reaction was a leap upward, at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.
You’ve heard of "fight or flight" response. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I flew up into the air -when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of strangers. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they conducted their work, while trying (unsuccessfully) to suppress their hysterical laughter...
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about.
"What's the matter?" They asked, "Cat got your tongue?" :)
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JAINEY |
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Recognised Blurter |
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13 Nov 2007 |
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Further to this story...years ago the same kind of thing was reported in a local Redditch in worcs uk, except'
it was a leak and the guy was a nightshift worker. The end result was slightly worse as the paramedics had the poor bloke on a stretcher taking him to hospital, when the wife told them what had happened they laughed so much they dropped the stretcher and he broke his arm too.
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padraig |
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Uber Blurter |
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12 Dec 2007 |
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I hope you have a sense of humour when you read this one. A friend was driving home one day when a cat ran out and he hit it. He stopped the car got out and the cat was lying spreadeagled against the footpath. He said it seemed to be still breathing but that it looked laboured and it would give a whimper now and again,so he put it out of its misery with a sharp blow to the head. He bagged it and took it to the dump. Later thet evening the police called and asked if he had had an incident with the car. He told the policeman everything in detail adding that he was an animal lover himself. The policeman asked if he could see the car which was in the garage. After a brief inspection my friend was more than surprised to find a dead cat lodged up under the wheel arch. Apparently the cat he put out of its misery was merely having a deep sleep and had a bad cold. He was shocked and stressed out but this was mixed with uncontrollable laughter which made him feel even worse, sure you couldnt make it up. :)
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Sfahad |
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10 Jan 2008 |
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I hope you have a sense of humour when you read this one. A friend was driving home one day when a cat ran out and he hit it. He stopped the car got out and the cat was lying spreadeagled against the footpath. He said it seemed to be still breathing but that it looked laboured and it would give a whimper now and again,so he put it out of its misery with a sharp blow to the head. He bagged it and took it to the dump. Later thet evening the police called and asked if he had had an incident with the car. He told the policeman everything in detail adding that he was an animal lover himself. The policeman asked if he could see the car which was in the garage. After a brief inspection my friend was more than surprised to find a dead cat lodged up under the wheel arch. Apparently the cat he put out of its misery was merely having a deep sleep and had a bad cold. He was shocked and stressed out but this was mixed with uncontrollable laughter which made him feel even worse, sure you couldnt make it up. :)
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Funny TRUE Stories
Funny TRUE Stories 
