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Amore01 |
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Uber Blurter |
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07 Aug 2007 |
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In my career, I have seen really funny resumes and some outrageous approaches by applicants on both cover letters and resumes. I think most were intentionally designed to get attention; I'm guessing some others were probably unintentional and due to "natural" ability to just be a dope :)
Anyway, Ihere are some, and I ask for you to take your best shot at it, too!
- OBJECTIVE: Seeking challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.
- REASON FOR LEAVING PREVIOUS JOB: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.
- ON A COVER LETTER: My fortune cookie said, "Your next interview will result in a job." And I like your company in particular.
- A (DUBIOUS) QUALIFICATION LISTED: Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
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Amore01 |
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Uber Blurter |
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07 Aug 2007 |
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WORK HISTORY: I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
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Amore01 |
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Uber Blurter |
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07 Aug 2007 |
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And this one tickled me...
Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job.
LMAO...this guy was serious!
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Amore01 |
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Uber Blurter |
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07 Aug 2007 |
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HOld on - if you guys are going to be making up reasons for me to hire you, I guess maybe we should have a position to aspire to (other than rolling on the floor laughing).
Does someone want to take a shot at creating the job description for which we will be applying?
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Nanny |
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Genius Blurter |
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14 Aug 2007 |
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Ok, here are a few, you can choose one.
Personal assistant
Pool boy
Latex salesman
Political activist
Office manager
Paralegal
Accountant
Chef
Retail sales
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Amore01 |
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Uber Blurter |
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07 Aug 2007 |
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Oh heck - why not?--Let's start with the position of pool boy! :)
Pen your best resume and cover letter lines for the position of Rippling Aquatic Knave :)!
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Stephen |
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Executive Blurter |
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03 Aug 2007 |
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So basically we have to pretend we're going for a job as pool boy, write up a CV/Resume and post it on here right? Hmmm?
On another note, but keeping with resumes...my girlfriend had an application the other week for the shop she works in and on it the applicant wrote under the 'reasons for leaving last job:'
"they fired me because i was late often"
haha....ah dear...some people.
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Nanny |
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Genius Blurter |
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14 Aug 2007 |
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*** LoL, Stephen. Applicant may not be able to show up to work on time, but at least she's honest!***
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Nanny |
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Genius Blurter |
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14 Aug 2007 |
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Okay, so, like, dude I totally heard that you like got a job for a guy to take care of your pool and I think I could totally like do a really rad job, but like right now I'm hangin' with my buds and I don't have the time to get a resume together, but I totally wanna give you a shout and tell you how great I'd be, so like, laters, after my homies leave I'll get back at ya and like we could totally set up a meet or something.
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Amore01 |
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Uber Blurter |
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07 Aug 2007 |
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***LMAO 'Dude'*** !
Consideration letter to follow shortly...
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Amore01 |
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Uber Blurter |
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07 Aug 2007 |
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Yes, Stephen. Whatever you can rustle up would be appreciated. I know you have always really wanted to be a pool boy. Some of the fun might include your fictional objective statement, qualifications, info about relevant (or irrelevant) job history, reasons for leaving previous jobs, reasons why you're the best candidate for the job, and any other creative reasons you should be considered... This could be fun! :)
At some point, I might be posting more specific job requirements... :)
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Amore01 |
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Uber Blurter |
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07 Aug 2007 |
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Hilarious about the "often late" person... That was painfully honest of her to offer up on her application :)
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Amore01 |
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Uber Blurter |
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07 Aug 2007 |
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JOB DESCRIPTION FOR POOL BOY POSITION:
· Skills required:Pool Boy Wanted –Beautiful Remote Caribbean Location
Wealthy older (70-ish, but who's counting?) vegan widow and former princess seeks young knave to start immediately and serve as year-round pool boy for established 3-pool estate on remote, private island in Caribbean. Room and board plus generous salary and potential bonuses. Must be animal friendly, as beloved estate mascots include two young pet goats (Pancho and Lefty), several tropical llamas, one slightly overweight toy poodle, my slightly slow nephew Rubrecht, and a quite mouthy gray parrot who all tend to use one of the pools on a regular basis as both watering hole and outdoor domicile...
Skills required:
· Must have proven palm frond waving and fanning skills
· Must have good lung capacity
· Must be able to withstand heat and sun, and cool rather sultry evenings
· Ability to swim, dive, effect lifesaving, cook, serve, barter with locals, know the peculiarities of blue hair and blue blood, and be able to easily fetch towels, pool toys, and sun block as required
· Pool or tub maintenance experience required.
· Must be able to work around Rubrecht's special needs
· Would be helpful if knows how to prepare gourmet and unique dishes from local produce
· Must have a proven and good sense of humor
· Physical fitness is a necessity; modeling and surfing experience a plus
· Familiarity with sea life and seashell identification required
· English speaking, multi-lingual preferred (please specifiy languages)
· Must not be offended by nudity, including pasty-white, wrinkly, saggy, spotted, or otherwise aged skin or body parts
· As occasionally may be asked to captain the estate yacht, must have sea faring and life raft experience (please be specific).
· Hurricane management and preparation skills a plus.
Please include your professional objective, work history/experience/skills, references, and reasons for leaving previous positions, where applicable. Of course, only the serious need apply.
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Amore01 |
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Uber Blurter |
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07 Aug 2007 |
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Letter of Consideration to DUDE
Dear Dude:
What interesting English you have.
I am "like totally" (I believe this means completely?) interested in having further dialogue, and would be curious as to what you feel best qualifies you for this position? Have you had experience with goats, per chance?-- or perhaps llamas or inflating pool toys, for example?
I imagine your surfing career "like", has given you "totally" some "awesome" relevant experience and am awaiting your reply. Please forgive the informality of my writing, dear young boy. My parkinsons is oh so bothersome these days, but I shall continue to swim and write, even so.
Hail to you and your surfing cohorts. Raise a ruckus on my behalf, won't you? I await your reply.
Sincerely,
Mmslle. Prudence
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Amore01 |
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07 Aug 2007 |
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***you all realize this thread pretty much prevents me from referring any of my peers or clients to this site, don't you?*** :) !!! I am 'muchly' glad for it, anyway.
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Nanny |
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Genius Blurter |
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14 Aug 2007 |
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AWESOME!!! I totally thought this was just gonna be a job like cleaning pools or something, but it sounds like totally more radical and could be a totally rockin' good time. So like, goats...Whoaaa...radical, could be cool. Languages, yeah totally dude, que pasa? Uhhh...oh sorry, I kinda spaced out....so like, um, I guess umm...whoa...munchie attack. Back at ya later Prudence.
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Amore01 |
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07 Aug 2007 |
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***ROTFTLD*** rolling on the floor totally laughing, dude.
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Nanny |
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Genius Blurter |
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Group member since |
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14 Aug 2007 |
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So, like did I get the job? It's totally cool if you found somebody else, cause I got a chance to roadie for a friend's band, but like I gotta know soon. No prob either way. Rock on!!!
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Lbender |
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Fresh Blurter |
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26 Sep 2007 |
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Um mister, dude. You gotta consider me for the job for the pool boy, because my bf says that I look awesome in a speedo! Plus I used to work for the Cabana Lady on MAD TV.
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Lashae1 |
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Baby Blurter |
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12 May 2008 |
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Go ahead and give it your best shot--convince me to hire you
Go ahead and give it your best shot--convince me to hire you 
