Do You Need Advice ? Or Guidance?

Hi patty thanks for the awnser.....ok im gonna copy and paste basically my whole relationship(in a nutshell) that i wrote in a previous awnser and i want you to read it (whenever you have time) and give me your advice! I apoloigze its sorta long so dont feel like u have to rush! I apologize if its sort of confusing....thanks patty!


I have dated a guy for about a year a 4months or so. He was actually somebody i worked with/for and we dated even thought it could have been a sticky situation at the work place. Over all our whole (work relationship) worked out ok (in the office environment) despite having to see each other every day. But our relationship in the end didnt. To start out,
I am very guarded and i tend to get involved with guys against my better judgement. My ex pursued me for a  month or so, and we actually ended up hanging out a lot and it soon led into a relationship. Right from the start (about a month in to our relationship, maybe sooner) i knew we were different. He started showing a different side of him that i really didnt like. It was like day and night. The guy who i thought was a quiet, gentle sweetheart turned into a sort of cocky, mean asshole...With a huge ego, that he really doesnt have the right to have. Being overweight, way past your "hey day" out of shape and losing hair u shouldnt'd be as cocky be happy with whatever you get...(ok a lil mean)..he has a handsome face, drove a nice car and is definitley career driven and i think thats the reason why he was the way he was...In the past, i've always sort of had the upperhand in relationships or have things between me and my guy be balanced, but with him it was different. He had a very big ego, and always made me feel like i was never good enough for him. Mind you deep inside i knew i was way to good for him( he was lucky to date a girl like me, im above what he can get) but alot of girls end up dating average "not a total stud " type of guy because they have a good personality and are nice.....Me, im good looking, tan, fit, athletic, friendly.. Take care of myself and and a go-getter, with a great family and come from a strong background... And can find better looking guys, but again i fell for his personality and friendship, and eventually i grew to be attracted to him. This says a lot about me, in that looks dont matter a lot to me, and i can grow to like you. Obviously i learned that he was insecure and always had to show his dominance and put everyone else down to make himself feel better. I guess it was something that i just let him do, cuz i knew it would make him feel better and i really didnt feel like fighting with him about being so negative. Plus i felt bad for him sometimes, and i dont know what its like to always put people down because I've alway been above average, and never had a complex about better looking people...i know thats an asshole thing to say, but its the truth,. Me and my friends are the girls that are usually the hottest in any spot we are at, and thats the truth. But we are not bitches, we just have standards and are naturally just goodlooking...( i think deep down inside he knew that he was lucky to have a girl like me, he just didnt want to say it or act like it...again that would be a blow to his ego) ..Another thing about my ex was that he always had to have the last word, and if i disgreed he'd make me feel like an asshole for not seeing it his way....This definitley had a negative tone to our relationship, because I am a sweetheart, probably the nicest girl you can ever meet, and will treat you like gold if you do the same back....i went out of my way to date this guy after i told myself i didnt want to get involved with anyone. Im not gonna lie, i fell for him, hard..he stole my heart and i always felt in the duration of our relationship that i always cared more about him than me. (He later told me that he did love me for a while, but he didnt know how to show it or tell me...but come on at our ages u should know how to communicate to a girl that you love her back). His lack of sensitivity and  his timing is what fucked shit up between us. Just when i was going to wash my hands of him, and when i had lost all hope, and lost love for him, he told me he loved me back.....I was in a different state of mind of our relationship when he told me this, and wasnt sure i felt the same when he told me that....i had new feelings for my ex-ex and that clouded my feelings towards him. I definitley was distant with him, and began to shut him down and say no to all the things i wished he had said to me months and months before.....again it was all a little to late...I know think and look back at how he slowly opened up and began acting and talking and treating me the way i sooo long had hoped for. But i screwed it all up and made things worse, when i began acting distance towards him and talked to my ex-ex behind his back......he snooped a lot and eventually found out that i hung out with my ex once and did sleep with him, and thats when everything changed for the worse. I lost him and feel bad that when he did open up with me finally i crushed it and hurt him...but it a way feel like he brought it on himself...how was i suppossed to just forget all the pain he put me trhough now just because he was ready? I was soo confused.  He did a lot of things to make me regret dating him, and that is the reason i always kept my options open for if something better came along. I knew him and me were always eventually going to break up because of the way he treated me. I never really have been in a relationship where he made my self esteem go down, and his ego and insults really got to me. I felt sometimes like i was an emotionally abused pet, always trying to show him how good and perfect i could be so that he would like me more. Thats so sad, as i think about it, because a guy should love me for me, and I shouldnt feel like i have to change for anyone. It still suprises me to this day, me a great (not perfect) catch 9.5 on a good day, and him a 6.75-7 at best, chasing him! God, ill never do that again. But i guess love makes u do silly things.....Long story short, i ended up  sleeping with an ex during our wknds of non stop fighting and breaking up then getting back together. It was always something i regret because it was something i did to get back at him for treating me so badly. But in a lot of way i did it maybe for attention, or for him to wake up and smell the cofffee.  But in the end, it actually showed me that i did care about my ex more than i did than my ex-ex. This backfired on me, cuz he found out about me cheating on him, and it has never been the same since. I love him so much still, and obvioulsy still feel bad about what i did, but what is a girl to do when the man she truly cares about makes her feel unwanted and uncared for? Thats not a relationship. I have a feeling he cheated before i even did... But thats a whole other story. I am sad and have put a lot of things on hold, career, work etc..because ive stressed out about my whole situation with my ex. Last night we got into a huge fight and i dont know where we stand. Honestly, i could be an emotional wreck, but we've broken up so many times before where ive cried my eyes out, that i honestly dont have any more tears. What happened happened. The universal rule in life, if u love it let it go, if its yours it never left, and its meant to be, if it leaves it was never yours in the first place....I thought me and him could make it work, maybe at one point i thought we would get married....but there were many times when ive told myself i could not marry this man. I want a man that treats me like gold and he did  only a few times, i can count it on 1 hand. He is away on a family vacation and i honestly think were done. Im so sad because i love him, a part of me always will. But i know that us being apart is probably better because Im just allowing for him to hurt me if we stay together because he still has resentment towards me. I know he wont treat me the way i want if we still try to be together. He despises what i did with my ex, and my ex, and it clouds his judgement and love for me....I wish he loved me enough to TRULY forgive me, and really see that im trying to move on with him, but he can't. It will take a while for me to truly get over him, and i wish things were different, and id try anything for him to give me another chance but ive used up all my resources and we are no longer.  But i guess everything happens for a reason, i guess i just have to wait and see why that reason is.....-hurt and heartbroken, yet a true lessoned learned, hopefully

also...should date another person so soon?

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