My Boyfriend Died Last Month, Will I Ever Feel OK Again?

My very first boyfriend died on my birthday.  It always hurts to lose a love one and that is normal.   No one can really put a time limited on your grieving process.  Sometimes we may never get over the loss.   Usually, as time passes the pain seems to hurt less.   Although, if you are in a state of deep depression over the loss, where you can not sleep, eat or perform your daily activities, then you may need to seek professional help.   A little grief counseling may do you a world of good.  Talk to someone, sometimes if you talk about what is troubling you it really helps to ease the pain.  I am truly sorry about your loss.  Take care!

I'm so sorry for your loss! I'm 15 years old now and when i was 14 i had a boyfriend he was a childhood friend and had been since we were 5. He died in a car crash i still think about him all the time and everyday I wake up wanting him back so much. It hurts for weeks, months but one day you will wake up and wont feel the same you will have your life back, ok you may not want to date for awhile but that's ok, it was only on my birthday this year that i noticed he wasn't coming back, it was then i realised i had to move on i had to forget about what we had. Its really up to you how long you will feel like this but things will get better.
Hope this helps
best of luck with your life
xox

Thank you for your answers.  It's good to find other people with similar experiences.  I hate saying "boyfriend" because it sounds so casual, and people don't know how much you really loved that person.  I actually had one of my teachers, first thing she said when I told her the news, say "oh, I'm sorry to hear that.  How long were you together?"  What does that have to do with anything?  I asked her if I could have two days off for the funeral and visitation and she said no I would have to choose only one day, because a boyfriend isn't covered under the list of people that you can get bereavement for.  Unbelievable!  I got a total of two sympathy cards, and only about 3 of my friends even said anything to me about it.  Do you guys feel like your loss was minimized too?  I just feel so alone because everyone acts so understanding toward his family, but then I'm just supposed to be totally normal right away.  We were gonna get married next summer!  What difference would that piece of paper make in how much we loved each other?  I don't know anyway people are so insensitive so it's really cool that I can find other people who feel like I feel.

My daughter had this happen and she still feels the pain at times. It was her best friend and she went on vacation. When she got home, she found that this friend had laid down to take a nap (unlike her) and never woke up. She had heart failure but was extremely athletic so no warning signs leading to it.
My daughter has several keepsakes from their friendship and continues to go to her gravesite when she is thinking of her. We have talked about it many times and that seems to help her maintain.
Anyway you can let your feelings out is best. Don't hold them in as it only makes things worse. You will also find that so many people do not understand so, these are not the people to talk to. Best to find someone who either understands or is neutral. Matter of fact, Neutral is even better as they will listen to try to understand instead of having already drawn a conclusion. Find a release and understand that the pain never goes away but can be maintained with work.

My boyfriend passed away February 6th, 2009. He was fifteen, and I fourteen. He was my first real "love" and we both had definite plans to be together for a long time. We both attended the same junior high school and met through a group of friends. He got sick on the Tuesday before with, "...headache and stomach ache." I remember texting him and him saying he was playing XBox 360 all day. Friday night, I call his phone to check up on him, and I get voicemail. I leave a message and go back to watching TV (I was home alone with my twelve year old sister, and it was around 5:30pm) I get a call back a few seconds later and am shocked to hear a female's voice. She identifies herself as his cousin and then informs me that he passed away that morning. That moment in time is forever etched in my memory. I remember hanging up, and then breaking down hysterically. My sister, frightened, starts to also cry and I tell her what happened. I remember screaming, and crying, and wishing I were dead too. I then call my mom when I can talk and tell her. She immediately leaves work and rushes home. I remember being pissed because I didn't get to say good bye. I also remember walking around the house, starting chores and not ever finishing, while our neighbor sat quietly on the couch watching "Tremors". When both of my parents got home, we immediately rushed to Urgent Care, because we did not know what had caused his death, and did not know if I was infectious. So I got to sit in the hospital, quietly crying while not knowing if I was going to become sick as well. Of course, I wasn't infectious with anything but the emptiness inside me.

I barely slept that night. I couldn't do anything but fill with all the regret of things unsaid, things not done. I still live with those regrets today. It has been four months exactly, and I do not feel ok yet. When will I? I have not a clue. Why do people die when they don't seem ready? That's the problem with teens; we live as if we have a million years to do so. I used to live like that. Not anymore. I live everyday for him. He is now the salty wind in my hair at the beach. He is a ray in the sunset. He is a streak in the rainbow. And he will always be in my heart. He taught me the most valuable lesson anyone can be taught. He taught me that life is a gift, and I cannot take it for granted. Whenever I'm having a crappy day at school, or didn't get enough sleep, I picture him in my mind; smiling his smile, crinkling his nose whenever he was thinking, and looking over the top of his glasses, like he was reading my mind. That is more than enough for me to pick myself up and try my hardest to have the best day.

I wrote a poem for my Honors class, with him as the inspiration.

I Will Never Forget You

Some days I laugh, some days I cry,
You were such an amazing guy.
You didn't deserve to leave this earth,
Without you this pain will cause me to burst.

You just had the flu, and now you're gone,
And we don't even know what went wrong.
After all of this, I am still in shock,
I miss you at every time on the clock.

Your laugh was contagious,
And your jokes were outrageous.
Your smile was so bright, it lit the room,
It was like a flower ready to bloom.

Your eyes were like the deep blue sea,
Full of laughter, happiness, and love for me.
They twinkled and sparkled with jokes untold,
I wouldn't of traded you for a pot of gold.

I remember the day you asked me out,
I was so escatic that I wanted to shout.
I love you so much, and you love me,
I really thought we were meant to be.

But God needed you to help Him with His big plan,
I know you would tell us, but we wouldn't understand.
And I know you'll be waiting at Heaven's gate,
The hardest part will be to wait.

I know there is a reason why you left this earth,
And I'll always love you, for what it's worth.
You will always have a special place in my heart,
In our dreams, we will never be apart.

So live life to its fullest, who knows your last day?
And know love is always here to stay.
Love unconditionally, never live with regret,
And always remember our good friend Garret.

R.I.P.


So the moral of my story; I do not know when you will feel better. Nobody does. Everyone is different, and everyone copes in there own way. Eventually, you will be able to think of him, and smile, remembering the good times. And eventually, you will love again. Feel as you want to feel. Don't bottle anything up. It is not healthy. Talk to someone you trust, and just TALK! Trust me, it helps!!! And remember, that as much as it sucks, this will define who you will be later in your life, and it will make you stronger.

Tomorrow will be the ten month anniversary of my boyfriend's death. Same thing, went to sleep and never woke up. We started dating when we were 15. We'd been together for almost 8 years. We just graduated from college three months earlier. After four years at separate colleges we were finally back home together, ready to live the rest of our lives together. I never knew pain like this existed. I feel completely empty and alone. I can't identify with my friends, in fact I pretty much resent them completely. Which is completely unfair I know. I wish I was the one who died. He was a better person then I am. I don't ever expect to feel happy again. I talk to myself constantly (really I think I'm talking to him) because I am so alone. I feel like I'm going slowly descending into a complete state of insanity. If it weren't for the fear of hurting my father (my mother died four weeks before my boyfriend) I would kill myself. I never thought my life would turn out this way. I am 23 years old and the only light at the end of this tunnel is that one day I'll die too.

Anyway maybe you will feel okay again. I don't believe I will but supposedly people do move on. Good luck.

As of today, its been a month and two weeks since my boyfriend passed away. I will never forget all the memories we have. And i still believe he's here. But in other cases its just weird. When May came around, everyone was happy cause school was out, and i was happy cause i knew i would blow the summer off with Justin. But May 30th, there was a graduation party, and of course he went, but i was in San Antonio. Well, he was texting me all day, and i told him that he should go, cause all his friends were going. This was on a friday, and around 1 a.m. We stopped texting, i told i would call him the next day,because i would be up super early. We say iloveyou, goodnight. And that was the last... Around two, his friends called me saying he got shot. I was mad, because i thought they were just being jerks, and were just drunk. But, then his sister, who's one of my best friends, texted me saying they were on their way to a hospital, and we both stayed up all night, because i couldnt sleep, and i knew she was going billistic. I ended up falling asleep around 6, and i just thought, its okay. He's fine. And i was waiting on the text message he sent me every morning. "Hey Prettyful! Wake up!" but i didnt, instead i got the call from his bestfriend, saying he died. I couldnt believe it. And tears just started pouring down my face. I called his sister telling her what happened, she started crying too, and said the same thing.my mom just looked at me, cause she didnt know what was going on, and my cousin who was with me told her what happened. I stayed quiet the whole three days we were in san antonio, my cousin picked out my shoes, and my clothes for the funeral, and tried to get me to talk, but it was pointless. When we finally went home, i had to work, and then his step mom called me the day before the rosery and asked me to come to the funeral home, and when i did, i met his whole family... The way Justin was, he just kept to himself, and never really opened up. But  i guess he told his family about me. See right now, im fourteen, and in a few more days Justin will be seventeen. We met almost five years ago through my uncle. He's the same age as Justin. After we met, we just kept in touch on myspace, and over the years, then he started dating my bestfriend, but we would talk when i went over, and eventually they broke up, and we got closer and closer. We started going out a few days before christmas, and ever since then we've always been super close. Arounf april he started coming over, and we talked on a daily basis. He would call me in the morning, and we would talk before school, and he would call me after school, he came over, and would call me when he came home, from his friend's house. The walls i didnt wanna let down, just seemed to melt away. And i fell in love with him. The goofy laugh, those big brown eyes, and the way he just said i love you. And from there, i had the biggesty smile on my face, that i couldnt hide, even if i wanted to. I just sorta had that Glow. We always used to sit on my fence, and talk all day. And sometimes, we would play fight in the street, and the thursday he came over before i left, he took my favorite bracelet. And he told me, i'll give it back to you, when you come back. It was already getting late, and my mom really didnt want him over passed 12. So he gave me a hug, and a kiss goodbye, and he left. We never really introduced eachother to our families, they just knew we exsited in eachother's life, and that was that. The day of the veiwing his mom just stared at me, and cried, and she told me she knew that her son loved me very much. As for his dad, he just wanted make me cry. Him and justin look like twins, but of course.. He's his dad. When it got down to his friends, i was really pissed cause i just kept thinking, its all your fault. But those are his friends, and its not their fault. Justin was Only 16 when he died. July 10th, he'll be 17 . The night of graduation, is probably the worst night to be out. When someone came around the block, and started shooting, thats when i lost not only a love, but my bestfriend. He was shot in the back of his head, and when he was air lifted, to lubbock, he was doing a little okay. After a while, his brain swelled, and that cord that held it, popped. The thing is, i ran wild ,till he came around, and started dating... And he made me calm down. ALOT. Even though, i've been told what went on that night, and who did it... I still cant seem to let go.. So whast do i do?

My boyfriend died a year ago and i'm still not fully healed. I know i never will be but its gonna take u some time so get your mind straight and in tact. I'll pray for u. God bless.

I don't know when you will feel human again, but I know that the birds still chirp the sun still rises and everyone around you laughs.  Me and my boyfriend had only been back together for 7 weeks, we realized we didn't want to be apart ever again we wanted to grow old together...It has been 11 months today since I came home to find him dead.  I tried to bring him back with everything I had, but it was too late.  I had gone to a doctors appointment that morning.  I wish everyday that I didn't have that appointment, but I can't change it and neither can anyone else. You will never get over it, but you find that you keep going for the loved ones around you.  We have to remember that our family hurts when we hurt and they feel helpless too.  I found a new job and started hanging out with new people.  I have days where I laugh so hard and that's ok, and then I have days i cry so hard my stomach feels so painful and empty, but I know that's ok too.  My biggest fear is that I will never feel as close to someone or as loved by someone as much as him.  I feel very alone sometimes even when there is a room full of people.  All I can say is that I pray that he is watching over me and he will send me that someone that will make me feel whole again.  And you have to believe that too.  Cry when you want to cry (or scream really loud that helped me) and laugh when you want to laugh...I'm thankful he was apart of my life and I wouldn't be who I am today had I never meet him all those years ago...I love you Allan R.I.P

Probably not while your younger but when you get older you will forget