How Do You Help People Change?

Bringing about changes is one of the most vital objectives of a counselling process and it is said that "Substantial change requires the alteration of the heart".

To change an individual start of by understanding his or her problems, make them feel special and spend as much as time possible with the. Point out their negative aspects but not in a direct or blunt manner, try to be soft and polite and explain things to the. Ask them to see and face problem in a positive manner, get them involved in activities and other stuff that interests them.  

Changing people is not an easy job and will not happen overnight you will have to be extremely patient and understanding. Make them understand in a proper manner the need for the change and ask them to see life and face life in a much more positive manner.

Changing people can sometimes be difficult to do...People have to want to change, that's the first step in changing. You can't make them change. But you can want them to change and the rest is their decision. However, helping people change can also be a task because the question will be...Do they want help? If they do, then that's great, maybe you can be a positive example for that person...Sometimes people will not admit that they need help and the first step is admitting to your problems. Some may feel ashamed or they may feel that no one will understand! Whatever the circrumstances may be, if they want the help then the change will slowly but surely start to progress.

I'm glad you phrased your question as `helping others to change' and not changing people or making people change. It's a very delicate business because no matter how much you care or think your way is better, every human being is on their own path and therefore, entitled to make their own mistakes and their own choices. So - how can we help if someone is really causing themselves problems or pain? Of course example is the best way. Whatever you want to help someone with, be that thing yourself, for instance, if they drink too much, don't preach but be moderate yourself.

If they display other forms of bad behaviour, try to display better ways of operating and show them the benefits. Actions really do speak louder than words in this matter. The other thing to try is to gently point out different strategies, courses, books, whatever else might help. Say it once and leave the seed to grow. This is particularly important with young people. Most people respond very poorly to criticism, nagging, preaching and the like. So, softly, softly is the best approach. Love them into change!

Every individual is different, unique and the ultimate power to his or her actions. The first thing you need to do is understand and accept the fact that all you can hope to accomplish is nurture and develop a meaningful enough relationship that your actions may create positive influences in this persons life. The second thing you need to do educate yourself in regards to the issues your friend has which create negative environments, atmospheres, thought processes and behaviors. If you have the skills to identify them, then your chances of creating positive influence is greatly increased. You must then look deeper for the underlying causes. These causes are the true problem! From here on this is a long and dangerous road that you are looking to follow. Before you begin this journey, you must be willing and prepared to finish it no matter what may stand in your way or you may end up causing more harm than good to your friend. You must also be ready emotionally, mentally and physically to meet all the demands of such a task. Beware! If you are liable to slip into a negative scenario which you aren't able to deal with, you don't want to be in your friends shoes do you? Always be supportive of all positive initiatives you friend takes, even if he/she fails. Something he/she might need to develop (with small goals and action steps) is the habit of success to strenghthen self esteem. Make sure you have developed LOTS of trust, when correcting your friend ALWAYS point out the negative behaviors, attitudes, etc and make sure to provide at least 2 options with your observation and make sure that you can engage your friends critical thinking skills and that all this that just happened DOESN'T reseamble a lecture in any way.  When pointing out negatives NEVER make them a part of him/her, but rather identify them as options or decisions which will make it easier for your friend to contemplate dealing with. As supposed to if he feels that that is a part of him that he can't change then you just hit a dead end. This interaction although tough to swallow should be percieved as something positive, not negative. Also whatever you might suggest your friend does you must understand that it is mearly a suggestion and your friend does not have to follow them. NEVER get upset when he/she doesn't take your advice. Be sure to elaborate on your suggestions, but only after your friend has ignored your suggestion and stumbled with the same stone again. Patience, patience, patience and good luck!I could go on and on and on, but you don't have the time. Also be prepared to not see or taste the fruits of your labor.