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I know how you must feel, but are you sure you do not feel overwhelmed by self-pity?
In today's world, it is indeed a sad and inescapable fact of life that children, when they grow up, find that they have less time to spare for their parents, who in turn find that they have more time on their hands than ever before, when their children were growing up!
You can take action, however, to make your children aware of how you feel.
For starters, have a talk with them, and tell them that you have extra time now, and wish to get actively involved in their families and happenings.
You can then arrange for a weekly outing with their families, or you could visit your grandchildren on a regular basis, or you could invite them over on a weekly, or a monthly basis.
You could also get involved in other activities of your own, without having to depend on your grown up children, and you will find that you are happy; you will not miss them as much as you think you do.
answered 2 years ago
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This is a situation that occurs in many stages of life. For example, if your friends get married, then they tend to associate with people that are facing similar circumstances as they are in, because they are bound by the common experiences that they go through. I guess the fact that they do not seem to ask you for help or advice could suggest that you've done a great job raising them to be independent, or that your relationship with them has changed as they've grow up and matured. It is one thing to be hung up on certain situations, but you should also try to reach out to other people in similar situations as you are and see how they deal with the situation. If you would like to be involved more, I would suggest that you try and get involved in the grandchildren's lives instead of thinking in terms of your children's lives. That is probably the best way for you to gain more contact, which should hopefully lead to more interactions.
answered 2 years ago
As you've already stated, your children are both married and have started their own families. This means that they now have a lot of responsibility, so their time is bound to be eaten up. They have become so caught up in their own lives that they hardly get in touch and when they do, they have little time to talk.
It's good that your children are now responsible adults, and the fact that they are busy shows that they do not need to lean on you, and they can look after themselves. However, you are bound to want to spend time with your grandchildren, and the fact that your children are always busy means that you never get time to see them.
Contact you children, and tell them that you wish to visit them. If they say they are busy, then suggest a date for when you can visit them. Try to make it a regular thing. If your children still seem reluctant because they are busy, then tell them that you feel left out and that you wish to spend more time with them and your grandchildren. Your children will surely allow you to make regular visits once they know how you feel.
answered 2 years ago
I hope that this is your feeling only. Your both children are very much loving you, but unable to concentrate on you, with their regular busy life with their families. Try to understand them and make sure that whether they were doing knowingly or unknowingly. Try to help them in small works which you were able to do. And then express your feelings to them. If they were able to know their mistake, they may rectify and they never repeat the same. Hope the God bless you all.
answered 2 years ago
My fiancee's mom feels the same way. She always gets upset that she can't see her sons/daughters as much, but we try and visit as much as we can (as she lives in a different city).
To be completely honest (not hurtful towards you, this is our situation), I do kind of roll my eyes when she complains about not seeing my fiancee's brother, because he's a jerk and intentionally avoids her phone calls, because his wife is stuck up and likes to fly to Florida (we live in Michigan) every holiday instead of visiting her, and there's nothing I can do about her complaining, because I'm not too fond of them and the way they treat her either.
We don't tell her about our plans to move out of state, because I know it'll hurt her, but I know I'll call her all the time after we do, because she's actually more of a mother figure to me than my own.
I can't say the situation your children are in... Maybe make more of an effort to call them? I know me and my mom don't have that great of a relationship, and probably won't after I move, because she makes no effort to try to talk to me.
answered 2 years ago
I understand your concern. The love of a grandmother is a treasure for beloved children.
Is there a reason that you might have been a person who failed to create a positive, loving, non-critical, non-judgemental or otherwise who has caused your child to not desire that you have significant influence on your grandchildren? I know that this sounds terrible that I raise the question about the lifelong relationship that you shared. Perhaps you, like me, raised them as a single mother and had to deal with serious problems that only a divorced, single mother can know. If so, perhaps your child has feelings that you do not understand and were unaware of both then and now.
If what I have asked is untrue, please forgive me. However, I know from experience that it can happen. Even more, in such a situation negative words by either parent about the other can create such feelings that the child even as an adult may never realize or understand.
I hope that if you think that such may be true that you ask that your own child meet with you and ask honestly and loving if there is a reason that you are not being asked to participate in a relationship with your grandchild. Perhaps you can create an environment for a true answer. If an answer comes that you feel angry about, suck up your anger and ask for more information. Listen carefully without thinking about your response.
Then, take a few moments to answer after you take a few slow deep breaths. Be willing to acknowledge your fault, if any, and do not give excuses. Just quietly with your most sincere heart and words and ask forgiveness. Perhaps, if there are defects that you know are true, you can also decide and then tel your child/adult child, that you will start seeing a counsellor to talk about the answer you have received.
I cannot seem to ever be invited nor drop-in to see my 3 yr granddaughter because the other grandparents are quite pushy and are there for special occasions. So I talked with my child/adult child and asked if I could be invited to visit and to celebrate special occasions at a different time, perhaps on a Saturday or Sunday once each month or maybe 6 weeks.
Now, I get that invitation and have a wonderful day with the family, make sure I am only loving and kind to all. I live 3 hours away so I arrive about 10:00 and leave at 3:00 on those days. This has worked wonderfully for all concerned.
You see, they have many activities with their friends and lodge events on weekends and work all week. I think that is wonderful and right for them. Our relationship is special for all of us when I arrived at their invitation because it fits their lives and it includes me in it.
Oh, I have gone to a counsellor to work on the personality quirks or co-dependent issues from my marriage and childhood family. This has helped me to understand myself and my lifelong relationships with all of my, now adult, children.
God, as you understand God, will guide you. May God bless you in the relationships with your adult children, their spouses and their children.
I wish you well.
answered 2 years ago
Do you know that this is what you raised them for? To get out there on their own, and take care of themselves, hopefully they are truly productive members of society, good in their own right for what you have taught them. I hate that I only have a little time left with our last daughter, she's only 9, and I make the most of it when I can. She is number 4, and I'm JUST catching on to the fact that this is what we do.
We put all our energy, time, LOVE, and blood, sweat and tears into them, just to cut them loose. Seems cruel and harsh, but this is what all creatures on this earth do. Look at the other side of this now; you are blessed with all the time in the world to do what YOU want to do. Remember the dance lessons or the art classes that you wanted to do, or maybe write a book. What ever you had as a dream of doing when you were younger, you now have the time to do.
Funny thing about this is it's a kind of reverse psychology on the kids too. They think you are having too much fun, and then they want to spend time with you again. We are a fickle bunch aren't we, people that is. Good luck in the future, and enjoy your free time.
answered 2 years ago
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