I Need Some Tips On How To Handle This! Can You Help?

Call the police/authorities if someone has made a life threat against your husband. You would do that even for a stranger, and you have no idea if you will be caught in the middle, either.  Do that first.  Be safe.  Now... Beyond that.  

It's so humanly understandable that you want to hurt him like you hurt. Let me say that so many of us know where you are and how you feel right now. Anger and rage -- a familiar feeling when we are injured. When we hurt, we want to defend first, then fight back.  I personally like the idea of pepper in the underpants. :)
But seriously now. You have invested your heart, and now you feel wounded. Maybe what you heard from this man is so, maybe it's not. Reserve judgment until you know the truth.

Take just a second to be calm. Usually our immediate instinct is to react. But you don't know the truth yet. You are assuming what you hear is actually so. Well, everyone has his or her perception, and so might this husband who rang you.

So first, find out the truth as best you can. Confront your hubby with the call. Listen to him, and also listen to your gut between the lines.  Step back and know what you know. You might "know" things in your heart that are confirmed, and then again, you might sense that what you heard doesn't really fit with your gut feeling about your hubby. Either way, ask the hard questions. Insist on clear answers. Don't settle for less than the truth; don't settle for evasiveness or turning the tables on you. Just de determined to stay on the track to know the facts. Have the dialogue, and if you need to, have it in the presence of a professional who can keep it truthful and on track. You're so close to the situation, it is easy to get drawn off into other issues.  And it's already so emotional for you, it might be better to have someone netural ther with you when you start talking about it.

After you talk with your hubby, make a gut decision. Listen to what you sense is really true. Take a look to see how much your insecurities or your knowing plays a part. Strive to be objective.

Take care of yourself first. Regardless of what is true/not true, there is a reason you doubt your husband and at least possibly believe these accusations. It suggests that you may not have the trusting kind of relationship that you deserve. Well, guess what? You DO deserve to be with a person who loves you and whose love you can trust. If the accusations are not true, it is time to stand for yourself and be the champion for yourself. You absolutely deserve to be loved fully, wholly, for who you are. I would say-- just from a personal standpoint and having lived a good deal of years-- don't settle. Do not settle for less. You were intended to have a beautiful, joyful, good, fulfilled life. If you are receiving less than that, stand for yourself and claim it.

Finally, you do not serve yourself in hurting someone back if you find they have done you wrongly. Yes, if that is the case, they were wrong. That belongs to them, and you cannot change who they are , and truly, their behavior has more to do with how they feel about themselves than with you. Let them deal with their pain, and do not be a part of it. No one can deny that it hurts to be betrayed. Yet if you change your lens a bit, you can see that what they do is SO beneath you and so unrelated to how incredible you really are. People who betray others are filling a hole that has nothing to do with you. It is an endless and painful place they are in that finds them betraying the person they truly wish to love--themselves. It sounds so cliché, I know, but know his behavior (and people's behavior in general) is much more about how horrible they feel about themselves than it is about you. You are fine.


You are fine. You will be fine. You can do nothing to him to hurt him that he hasn't already done to himself. He knows hurt, hate, and anger, because if he cheated on the one he loved, he did it because he doesn't feel he deserves it. I know it sounds weird. But those who don't love others cannot do so because they don't recognize it in or for themselves first. As horrible as this all feels to you, he no doubt struggles more if he has cheated, even if not apparent to you.

Do something for yourself. Let go if he is a cheater. Claim for yourself a great life, full of the things you deserve and desire. If someone treats you this way, it is a blessing that they go away from you; to not do so would destine you to a life of wondering and wanting that would never be fulfilled.

My heart goes out to you. Keep your chin up; don't stoop down. Keep the courage. And don't lose trust in yourself. Reach out to those who really love you in this hard time. You have a community of people you may not even personally know who are here and get it. Take advantage of that. Don't be pulled  into someone else's drama. Make your life yours.

All the best.

Does the man who called you have proof? He said he wants to kill your husband as if it's his fault. It takes two to tangle. How does he know his wife didn't seduce your husband first?
I would get some kind of evidence first and if you can't get it,I would test your husband with questions. Personally I would just ask him straight out.  Sometimes when people have an affair, it means something is lacking in the relationship and they're trying to make it with someone else.  I don't mean to sound mean but could it be your fault that he's out cheating on you? Are you too bossy and choking him not giving him space?
If the two of you are still in love then I would talk to him and work something out. Give each other a chance and you might have a better relationship then you had before. And if you decide to forgive him, you should put this all behind you.
And if all else fails, the best way to hurt him is get evidence and  get a divorce and take half his money. What is he afraid of the most? His weakness?  Try aiming at those too.