Sister-in-law!

Your choices are to make assumptions that what you heard was accurate, endure it, and probably seethe/carry resentment -- or you can take her aside and discuss your concerns and get it on the table for some resolution. Weigh the two options rationally:

If you decide not to address, the perceived problem doesn't go away. It sounds like maybe something has been simmering for awhile even before this (?) But you don't know if the comments were taken in context, or even if they were made, and/or if there are some underlying issues that could be resolved, and your relationship doesn't improve. If you address, you can know you came thoughtfully from a place of genuine concern for best possible understanding and resolution.

Unless there is other info that I should know before answering this question, just given this information, my approach/recommendation would be to do the following: (I know it looks long, but it's not hard to do, and takes a lot less time and results in less damage than letting resentments fester and affect you and your son and your family relationships):

1) Check your own assumptions at the door. Be the one to take the higher road; assume the best of intent from your sis-in-law, even though it may not look like that on the surface. I know this is easier said than done, but in the long run, assuming the best lessens defensivenss, leads to quicker resolution, and won't further create damage to an already potentially hurtful situation for you, her, your child, and maybe your whole fam.

2) Don't take what you have heard at face value. Whoever heard the comments may have some personal bias that caused them to hear things in certain ways, or to report them to you in a certain light. Stay determined to discover your own truths and make your own opinions accordingly, based on what you know, what you hear/are about to hear, your discussion with sis-in-law, etc.

3) Understand what your own concerns are, but enter with an open mind. Picture you and your sister in law on the same side of the line, shoulder to shoulder, sharing perhaps similar concerns about children, and seeing both of you facing the problem/those concers "out there". Find the common ground and and ask her to stand there with you. For example, you can say you both have concerns about children's well being... When you are ready to talk, ask her for some private time to share your concerns.

4) Explain your concerns. Ask her what really happened. Seek the truth and listen. Do more listening than talking, listening for what could be underlying the situation and for the context of what happened. Your goal is first to really understand what happened, and then to understand maybe some of the why's... You're trying to understand what her worldview of this topic is that might cause her to behave a certain way. Some pretty amazing things can be discovered here that lend themselves to understanding. Acknowledge what you heard from her before even thinking about stating your place. ("i see how you might feel that way. I can understand why you might be concerned...")

5) Clarify your own concerns/perspectives. Look for common ground in the concerns you may both share. The goal here is not to prove what or who is right at this point, it's to impart some window into your motivations, feelings--what values and assumptions underly your own approach. To share your worldview regarding this topic...

6) Consider what you've heard and discussed. If you find she was truly over stepping her bounds, explain why you feel this way. Explain what you also find valuable in her perspective ( - that you both share concern for the well being of your child, for example). That it is important for a parent not to be undermined in their parenting. That it is important for children to be loved and cared for in the best possible ways by ALL adults. And explain what you need in terms of what you need from her - To respect your parental approach, to acknowledge that you are the parent, that you would appreciate and you need her support in that. Ask for her commtiment to allow you to parent your child. That you will be open to hearing directly from her in private if she has further concerns. And that you would like her agreement to do so in the future.

Although I suppose it's possible, this kind of approach shouldn't start any kind of feud in the family. This is a parent coming to another adult and explaining her cocnerns and needs, and doing so respectfully and privately, without making it a big family drama. And you would be being very open and honest in doing so.

In the future, if this occurs again, address it right away (privately) but honestly, openly. Stay consistent in your request that your parental approach be respected, and commit to keeping an open mind to others' viewpoints for your child's own best interests, recognizing there sometimes are things that others see us doing that can be done better. It's just that you need to hear it directly, and make it safe for someone to approach you directly with that kind of feedback, so you can address it head on.

Good luck to you.

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Just tell her how you feel about it and just talk it out that is what i would do

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She's a hypocrite. But the best thing is to let it go if this is the first time. Don't hold a grudge. But if it happens again, invite her over for lunch and speak to her privately about the matter. Good Luck

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Be careful when you are acting on hearsay. If she is the type of person who tends to get involved then why has she not said anything to you direct. Anyway, sometimes its best to leave things for sometimes people can say things which they later regret. I know i have. Not necessarily from maliciousness but from insensibility. You could drop a hint such as ,oh by the way i was talking to whoever and she was saying she was speaking to you the other day. But not go into detail. That way she will realise the possibility that her comments were passed on to you. Least said most mended.

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Tell her if she has a problem she should come to you instead of someone else how do you know what she is feeling if she isn't telling you tel her to be an adult and quit acting like a 4 year old.

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