What Do You Need For A FAILURE Picnic?

You need rain.
You need ants.
You need mosquitoes.
You need flies.
You need heat and lots of it.
You need a leaking ice chest that gets everything in the car wet.
You need music that nobody likes or is too loud to be able to carry on a conversation.
You need the containers for the food to leak so that it gets all wet and soggy in the ice chest.
You need a very disagreeable picnic participant.
You need to forget the plates and silverware.
You need for the salt shaker to have a loose lid so that the salt all spills out at once on the food when shaken.
You need a high wind so that it is a constant battle to keep your plate of food from blowing away.
You need a cell phone that is continually ringing so that you have no time to devote to your other picnic participant.
You need to depend on Newton's law....Whatever can go wrong,  will go wrong.  

Wouldn't it be much simpler to say, "No thanks, I really don't care for picnics?"