Answers
Aah! The once bitten twice shy syndrome. I know exactly what and how you are feeling. Not only was I in the same situation, I pretty much ended up thinking like you too! Bad relationship aside, two years is a long time, and no matter how much we try it's never easy to let go of the hurt, the disappointment, the feeling of being let down. But there is always a flip side to every situation.
I will not deny the fact that it took me while to get back to a state where I felt I could start dating or meeting other men even though I was guarded and quick to judge them. However it took a very simple and honest man to get me to see that love is so much more than what I had experienced before. That feeling of being loved and cherished engulfed me and I knew deep within this man was the one for me.
Everything in life has a purpose and time. My time came when it did, as will yours. But you have to believe it will happen. For now, take your time, explore yourself. Do things that you have always wanted to do, read, travel, take up a hobby. The more you discover about yourself the more confident and stronger will you become. It is never healthy or wise to cut yourself off from something in anticipation of pain. I did not and I have spent three glorious years with a lovely man!
Trusting is a challenge for anyone, and can be more difficult if you have been hurt in the past. It is a common problem. However, remember that your instincts are there to protect you. If you trusted just anyone, you could end up prey to those who take advantage of others - two-timers, swindlers, and con artists to name a few!
However, if you feel that the person is right for you, there are ways that you can gently learn to trust. Communicate with the other person about why you need to take it slowly. If the person cares for you, he or she will not rush you.
That said, finding the 'right person' is perhaps half the battle! If that person is nowhere to be seen, it is useful time to spend on yourself. You can work to repair the damage that you felt from a previous painful relationship. Developing a relationship with yourself will mean that you will start to feel whole and happy, whether or not you are in a relationship.
You are sensible taking time. I have lived that way for most part of 8 years and I have learnt so much about me. You have set a standard and are not prepared to lower it, which is great. The self worth you have can only be a bonus to that special man when he enters your life. Good luck.
I recently read a saying by Benjamin Franklin which suits your problem perfectly -
'fear of love is fear of life, and if you're afraid of life, you are already two-thirds dead.'
We have all been hurt by relationships and people but eventually, after a grieving period, you need to reach out again. Trust doesn't return if you stay safe and alone, huddled up against the world. It returns when you take a chance again and find out that not everyone is out to hurt you. There really are caring and kind people around. I'm not suggesting you should `plunge in' if you don't feel ready but how about dipping your toes in the water and wading in gradually?
The first thing is to work on your attitude. Negative thinking is understandable after hurtful experiences, but you need to let that go if you are to make a fresh start. Next, accept some offers to go out even if you don't think they are guys you want to have relationships with. You never know and anyway, what's wrong with going out and enjoying yourself? Everything doesn't always have to be serious. Just let yourself go a bit and things will start to happen naturally. I'm sure there is someone special waiting for you out there.
I am actually in a similar situation but mine is worse than that because its something that happened recently. I just found out that the man i love got another girl pregnant and they are staying together. Although i love this man i have decided that the best thing for me to do is to get out of this whole situation. What i know is that you cant cut yourself out because of what that person did to you. I know its difficult to trust someone after what happened to you but just bear in mind that people are not the same and just because you had one bad relationship it doesn't mean that all your relationships will be like that. Once you have worked at yourself you will start attracting the right person that you want to be with.
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