How Can I Get My Teenager To Do What I Say?

Lots of parents feel frustrated when they find their older children challenging their authority. However, this is normal and an important part of growing up for your children. Young people who do not challenge your authority are the ones to be really concerned about as it is not a sign of good all round development if your offspring do not question your rules quite vigorously at times. However, it is your job to set boundaries and to keep your child safe, at least until they are 18 years old and in your heart you will feel responsible for a lot longer than that. If you are still using the same techniques you used for younger children and they are not working then it is time for a rethink. Do you have an agreed set of family rules which explain what behaviours you have agreed are O.K. and not O.K? Do you spend time with your teenagers so that you stay connected. The link of trust and love between teens and their parents needs to be maintained through regular shared activities and conversation. Do they know the consequences for certain misbehaviours (e.g. if you do not come home at the agreed time you won't be allowed out tomorrow, if you avoid your chores you will not get your allowance) and are you consistent in following these rules yourself?

You for you and your son/daughter to get on, you both need to understand each other. So, let me put your mind at ease. This is normal behavior. These are normal feelings. When someone is angry with you, it is normal to be angry back with him or her. It does not matter if you understand adolescent's development inside and out.. You will have angry and hurt feelings. The trick is to learn what positive discipline, what to do in power struggle situations while your feeling angry and hurt. Teens begin to see parents as fallible human beings. (*OUCH*) Not only can they see why things are right and wrong, they've learned to project it onto their parents. They will also let parents know what they feel in matters of opinion. Since you are the stable figure in your teen’s life, you are his/hers first target and the one that will be aimed at the most as he/she practices and develops his own ideas. Give your teen choices within limits. This gives them the feeling they're in control of their lives. "Are you going to do your homework first or your chores?" "What time will you be home, 10:30 or 11:00?"[3] It gives them a certain amount of confidence in being able to decide for themselves. If they break curfew, etc...then apply reasonable consequences with empathy for the circumstances. I Know it's hard dealing with a teenager, but it is known to be the most important time in a persons life.
Hope this helps x