Answers
I think you are perfect in your love. There is nothing to disrespect you or criticize you for what you are doing. You have love for a man in your heart. Love is sacred, love is pure. it is love that makes us all elevated to the level of heavenly height making us different from our everyday earthly existence. So, no one has the right to say you bad if it is love from within your heart. If you are happy with being the "second " who on this earth has the right to preach that you are doing wrong? First be clear to yourself, are you happy with being his second? Is that that man is just using you to fulfil his lust? Or he has also a descent heart, he really loves you but he can't leave his wife because he has certain responsibilities, children and commitments? If both of your love is true, do not suffer from any guilt feelings. I don't know the age difference between two of you. If the age gap is not substantial, i would certainly advise to keep it up (again if it is a true love between two of you and you are sure that it is not merely a fulfilling sensual appetite for your counterpart). if the age gap is substantial, can't you gradually depart physically from that Mr. senior and try to find the Mr. Right for you? Some say that husband and wife are created in heaven. So you must have your own husband too. You only need some time to find him.
It took courage to come on here and share your life with strangers. And you don't need someone else to criticize you. You know, we all need to be loved and how he is loving you is satisfying a need that you have. That is why you are essentially having a hard time breaking it off. It is so hard to see beyond where we are that we hold onto what we have thinking we better do that or we may never have anything at all.
There are other opportunities to be loved, and you are worth loving. I think you already know the answer, but it is very difficult for you. It's OK. I have faith that you ultimately will do the right thing. Take care.
To all of those who started preaching God this, God that! Please! Is judging this woman God-like? No! Leave her alone! This is a crummy situation to be in, and unfortunately only time will tell. I feel for her, and understand what she is going through. We love who we love. Believe me, it is easier said than done. She is not going to go to hell for being human. She likes a married man! Wow, that's a first! Believe me, it's not, and you know she will not be the last to be involved in this triangle. She will know when to let go if that day indeed comes. The man may actually leave his wife. We are not pinned to the ones we choose to marry. Marriage is just a piece of paper and is not written in stone. People divorce everyday. There have been those who had affairs and found the love of their lives through the other person. Let her be. She will figure this out on her own. She is not really asking for advice, she is venting. She knows the seriousness of this situation and will deal with the consequences. Loving or caring for a married man is not wrong. We are human, and this happens everyday. We know it is not something we should look forward to doing, but it does happen anyway. I know! She will reach a decision on her own! We all do!
I utterly understand, and have been in a similar position, until very recently. You are not looking for these people's opinions, as you are already quite clear in the fact that you don't agree with this situation moralistically. You are already aware of the harm this would cause to a wife who doesn't deserve it. The difficulty is to separate your emotional, heart-driven path, with someone you have a wonderful relationship with, from that or your longterm well being, which requires you to be more hard, and selfish in a different more long-term positive way. This is almost like advising myself.
You know, all these people have so many opinions of what you should or shouldn't do. I wonder if they are without sin or vices at all.
This is very natural that our heart craves for someone without bothering the consequences. We love the next person and just love and nothing else, our feelings never give us space to think about the other aspects of the relation. You are in a very critical situation, but the good part of your feelings and relation is that you know that the other person loves his wife and will never leave her then why are you mortifying your sacred love? You no doubt truly love him, but does he love you in the same manner. Love is the blessing and sometime we must have to sacrifice our feelings and even our own self. This is very hard to leave the person you love but try to do it for the survival of that man, his wife, kids and in fact your own self.
If he does not love her wife or her wife also has some sort of disputes with him then the situation is different, but not now. Now he is the man of his wife not of yours (as you also know that). You might be having some very good man waiting for your pure love. Put aside your entire consecrated feelings for him. If you try to avoid that man just for the sake of his wife and kids then you will see that with the passage of time you will be settled happily.
Sweetie i know what your going through but mine is different. I was told he was getting a divorce. And he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me!!he was selling the house to be with me.
But i rang his wife after being with him for a year!!! And found out he was 'happily married' he was selling the house to move somewhere bigger to start a family with her. He had told me how much he loved me for a year. I fell pregnant and he got wierd he did not want it at all he was really wierd. So obviously i got suspicious, and i was right too.
He told me that he has never loved me he was using me for sex because he was not getting it at home.
His wife is actually really nice and we went for a drink on the day we found out. Lol
but i got paraletic and tried to take an overdose to kill the baby and maybe myself. It didnt work and the MM came and took me away at 1.00am to stop me from doing anything to hurt myself.
His wife kicked him out and he is still trying to get me to have an abortion. I cant do it. And he says he will resent me and probably the baby, but yet he will not leave me alone!!!
I think this is about security. Knowing you have something with this guy makes you know you have something, I think you are afraid to bring yourself to end it because you're afraid to be out there on your own.
I think you should break it off, find yourself a decent man!! Do not stand for second best! break it off, start again, find someone who will make you their number 1 cos every woman deserves that!! Hope this helps x
Let go...and Let God. Ask God to fill the emptiness you are obviously feeling. He Loves you...just the way you are. All he asks is that you give up this adultrous way and let Him take over and fill this void. Jesus loved you so much that he opened his arms and died for you so you can have a relationship with God and be his child.
It took my daughter's best friend having a baby to make her realize that she had a problem with sex. In realizing this she gave it all up to God and has been celebit for over a year. Simply put by her... "I asked God to forgive me, fill the void I had tried to fill with sex, and to be the love of my life until he sends me the man he wants me to be with for life."
Don't waste your time and don't risk a pregnancy just for the sake of being "loved". This is not love. True Love happens within the realms of the marital bed only. This is the only sex God Blesses. It is a Holy act between a man and a woman in the hopes of working with God to create new life. It is also symbolic of the love Christ has for his Church, the Body of Believers who will become his Bride at his 2nd coming.
I will be praying for you.
I dated a married man for 5 long painful months. Disaster. I was in a desperate state of mind and emotionally bankrupt. After dating the MM, I was even worse off. Ultimately I told his wife and told her he was a sexual addict for 10 years. It is about 7 months later, I am still not over it. But, the good news is I got out fairly quickly and took a drastic measure to get out too.
All things considered, a great big mistake.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are like so many. We have a place in our lives that need to be fulfilled. But to love another's man is not fulfilling. Please put yourself in the wife's shoes. She may not be the perfect wife, she may be doing the same things but never the less, you she and he and the whole situation is not for us to judge, but to encourage a better walk for all involved. Walk away, have some respect for yourself. You are and will be a better person for doing so. God has forgiven you but you have to ask and ask in faith. You were never lonely, because Jesus is with you always. He would not want you to suffer like this, neither one of you. We always want to please others but put ourselves on the side lines. You deserve better and there is better, stop selling yourself short, take care of yourself and ask God to send you someone and show you a better way, because it is out there and all you have to do is faithfully ask. We have not because we ask not. We should do EVERYTHING to stay in line with God's plan and ask for his guidance. Ask yourself does my life style line up with the bible's blueprints and is what I am thinking, doing, or saying pleasing to God and glorifying His kingdom? I promise pray and meditate on His word and earnestly seek His voice and answers and He will give it to you.
Would you really be happy to just be someone's 'bit on the side'? You need to decide why you are involved with this man in the first place, whether it is something about him that you like, or the fact that you find being involved with a married man giving you some psychological satisfaction. If it is something about him, then you can just as easily find another person with those qualities, but are not involved in a relationship. If it is being involved with a married man, then you are aready aware of the possible consequences, and you just need to decide if you want to be in control and break this up before it gets any further, or wait until something eventually uncovers the truth. Either way, you'll have to endure some serious emotional rollercoaster, but it is probably better to be in control rather than letting things slide.
We can't help who we fall in love with unfortunately.
I think you deserve better than waiting around for crumbs and I'm sure there is someone out there who would give you their undivided time and attention.
You know the relationship is not going anywhere, so what's the point in it. Change your number, get news friends and go find Mr Right, stay well away from Mr Wrong. It will be hard and expect a lot of heart ache, but just remember YOU DESERVE BETTER !
I have been in the same situation. Its really difficult when you know the truth...i.e. he loves his wife, he will never leave her, you are his bit on the side. It makes you feel worthless and breaks your self esteem and confidence. This in turns then makes you feel powerless which then stops you from breaking it off because you believe you need him and cant live without him. I gave mine an ultimatum in my darkest hour, when I could no longer take the pain. Leave her or its over. I knew what the answer would be, and for weeks I thought my world had crashed. But things got better and I kept myself busy with hobbies and even find new ones. Soon the pain started healing. You deserve to be happy with a man of your own. It wont be easy to leave if you decide to do it, but you could make finding happiness the reason for doing it, and then it all has real meaning. Good luck.
You know the solution to this problem. Like Nike says very simply ,'JUST DO IT'. And in case you're wondering what the solution is 'LEAVE HIM'.Love is blind without a doubt.
You might be what we call a 'love addict'. This term suggests someone who is addicted to a particular person or to the idea of love itself. We probably all have a bit of this condition within us. It's all tied up with the idea of co-dependency which is the in-term around at the moment. What you need to do in order to sever yourself from this man is to take your power back, to be in charge of your own life again.
You first need to decide if you love this man more than you love yourself... my advice to you would be to get out of the situation before you and him both end up hurting the most innocent unknowing members of this union which would be his family. I know its harder than it seems but just remember this little phrase I say to my self ... "no matter how terrible it is it will pass" in life we have a lot of terrible moments and when we think about them a little while later we realise how bad they were but they have passed and we are still alive... it's going to be rough but my dear ... it will pass and you will now have a stronger heart to love with.
My you are two kinds of crazy!!!! What are you doing with a married man??? It's such a cliché line to say you can do better but yes... you can do better! Do you enjoy having him tell you he loves you but goes to sleep in the same bed and probably do things with his wife? Honestly you have to respect your self enough to realize that you deserve nothing but the best and to be the one and only. The one thing you must know is that in a life time we are capable of loving more than one guy but there's more than one soul mate so don't despair when one relationship doesn't work. If he really did love you he would have left his wife a long time ago to be with the one he loves.....think about that love. You are worth more than second best so dump his ass. As to why you can't leave, it might be because you are afraid to let go in case you can't find someone else....but then again its better to be alone than to be the mistress.. Its more or less a moral issue. Good luck
I don't mean to be rude but: it seems like your heart is overruling your brain, think logically! How long have you known him personally? Will it be worth all your efforts to get together? Don't you think that if he feels in the same way, surely he would divorce his wife to marry you? I think you might want to speak to a counsellor about this personally. As I can see already it has opened up a flood of other people's opinions.
What you are going through is very very very very bad. Get out of it, break up with him, do something about it before it gets any further. Don't take the guy away from his wife and kids, no matter how sweet and nice your relation with him, it will not be enough when you see the blame in his children's eyes. You are obviously not happy and he is just using you, playing around doing the guy thing but if you really love him, let him go.
You don't really expect to get any sympathy do you?
Anyone who enters into a relationship with someone who is married knows that alot of people can get hurt. Few men leave their wives for their lovers although of course some do.
This man isn't going to solve your problem by ending his marriage because he's having his cake and eating it in other words he's enjoying the best of both worlds and being unfair to both you and his wife.
This situation could go on for years and you're wasting all your chances of happiness on the wrong man.
You need to have some self respect and start a new life - no matter how much it hurts you now otherwise you risk a much worse hurt in the future.
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