My Father Died Last Year. In A Few Years I Will Be Leaving Home And Am Worried About My Mom Who Won't Be Able To Cope On Her Own. What Can I Do Now To Make Sure She Is Taken Care Of When I Am Ready To Leave?

I can understand your concerns about leaving your mother, following your father's recent death. A lot probably depends on how far away you will move from home and if you will be able to travel back in order to visit your mother on a fairly regular basis.

In any case, it would be a good idea to speak with one of your friends, or a family member if this is possible, tell them about your concerns, and ask how they can help. If you have a childhood friend who has known your mother over the years, you can ask him or her to check up on your mother on a regular basis. At the very least, your friend could telephone her frequently, but perhaps they could visit her as well, such as once a week or so. Even if you live in another city, seeing your childhood friend will remind your mother of you.

Another idea is to encourage your mother to join a community organization in the neighbourhood. I recommend that you take the initiative here and do a little research on such organizations in your area. Try looking for a reading club at your local library, women's groups, or see if your mother might be able to get active at a local church. You will find that if your mother can become part of a small, close-knit group, there will be plenty of people who will check up on her and ensure that she is taken care of.

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Don't worry ahead about how your Mum will cope. It's early days yet since your Father died and you must both feel very lost without him.
Your young and have your life ahead of you and neither your Father nor Mother would want you to give up plans to go into the world and make your own life.
I'm widowed and I don't expect my child to stay with me, he's married and has his own little family. I love going to stay with them and hearing all about their adventures and travels.
As time goes on your Mother will get a social life and hopefully get out and about. All parents miss their children when they leave home and it is difficult for a widowed parent but we are a lot stronger than you think and I'm sure your Mother will be by then.
Please don't burden yourself with worry, you sound like a very loving, caring person and I'm sure that you'll keep in regular contact with your Mum when you do leave .

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I know exactly what your talking about...my dad died 2 1/2 years ago..and i still worry about that when i leave home, she wont be able to deal with that on top of his passing. I can tell you right now that your Mom will soon get to a point (if she is not already) to saying things about your Dad that wont make her cry...and when you see she is not ok with it, but understanding that he passed. She will understand that she CAN move on living the way your father would have wanted her to.

I am just now noticing my Mom is getting a little sad/worried about me when i leave home, but i am also noticing my friend's Moms doing the same thing so its just a letting go thing that all Moms go through.

But it helps me to know that my Dad wanted me so bad to go out there and make something of myself..
so go make your father proud. Good luck! Hope this helps

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First of all, even though it was a year ago, please accept my condolences on the death of your father. It's never easy losing a beloved parent, and though time does diminish the sting, the sense of loss never completely goes away. (I still miss my dad, and he's been gone for 26 years.)

I can't speculate on you relationship with your mother. Some mothers are very needy and demand constant attention from their children; they almost resent it when the child has a life of his or her own. Other mothers bend over backwards to make sure they parents DO have their own lives.

While it's normal to mourn, it's unhealthy to let a parent's death prevent you from having a life of your own.

AS others have indicated, it depends on how close (emotionally) you are to your mother and how far (physically) you intend to move.

Plus, don't forget that your mother had a life before you were born or even before she met your father. Although a period of adjustment is difficult, it IS possible. There are groups for single women, support groups or other groups through houses of worship (if you belong to one).

When my dad died, I didn't even think of leaving home. However, within three years, I had my own apartment about 20 minutes from my mom's house. I saw her every weekend and sometimes during the week. We stayed in close contact. Even after I married, I saw her regularly until her death three years ago. (It helped a great deal that my mother LOVED my wife, and my wife LOVED my mother!)

The best thing you can do is let your mom that you will be there for her when she needs you. But the best and healthiest thing for YOU is get on with the (admittedly difficult) job of living as yourself.

Hope this helps! Hang in there!

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First of all, I am sorry for your loss. I hope that the pain will gradually fade away, no one needs that type of negative energy in their life. I hope that you have someone to lean upon in your time of need.
Make a plan to see your mother everyday at the best suitable times for the both of you. You must see her everyday no matter how you feel! So that your mother can lean on you for when she needs you. She will then be consatntly reminded that YOU still LOVE her no matter what.
All the best for your life ahead of you my darling!

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