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My Mother Has Changed Or Am I Seeing Her True Colors For The First Time

I am not abad person as she likes to think. I feel I remind her of her past she thinks was so crummy, but, she had my grandparents to help her. She has never helped me. I am 50and still don't get it.She has kept 2 inheritances from me she says when she dies I will get (no legal all word of mouth) I need money for spine surgury that my ins. Won't pay & she's traveling all over the world. My 1/2 sister is the prodical child and isn't going to help me.

asked 1 year ago

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padraig

Its obvious you both have communication problems and i suspect that the money situation isn't going to help matters. I don't know either of you so i cannot pass any real judgements on either of you. What i will say is that in most cases where money is concerned, that it clouds the issue. While money is important, it is your relationship that needs to be addressed. Do this and the rest will work itself out. Try and make your peace with her and don't mention money or possessions. Try to gain an understanding of why she feels this way about you before you jump to conclusions about her motives.

answered 1 year ago

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Look below and i wanted to ask you if you think i should just give up . don't want to send a Xmas card this yr. every year i have just to be a better person along w/mother day and Day. couple times i even sent ones that were what i wish she was like just to maybe be like that..kind, considerate, loving and no matter if she agrees with what i do with my life accepts me as an individual and still be there for me. this yr i don't want to bother. i want to skip the prodigal sister too. i am upset that most my life was babysitting her while all my friends were outside playing. i had tremendous responsibilities at a very young age. my sister said it was her time to shine but i didn't know she was going to totally suck up the spot light to the retirement off the rest of us. she lives her life from my mothers eyes and i live my life for me. I cant believe she has said "ma your not being fair". she has ,neither one has even called to see how i am doing health wise. it's been 1yr . last year my son stuck up for me and sister got pissed off and now he is out in left field. i want to post a debate on to or not to send a card to something like this.what do you think? i don't think as far as my inheritances i will ever see them. they will all go to the sister for sure. i want to say how disappointed i am to my sister but last year when i did she sent me a answer and sent a copy to my mother. i was so upset she answered to please my mother and never asked about me. that's when i told her about my surgeries. this is so insane i don't know how to address this if at all anymore..i am too old for this . my mother just sold her house(she's building one on sisters land) i asked for a piece of Furniture that was my grand parents. She got rid of it w/out giving me the chance to buy it off her. she says it wasn't theirs ..i know darn well it was i used to play in it in gramps garage when she saw it and took it to fix up. i told her i wanted it if she ever got rid of it..well there it went!!!

comment made by Queenie2u2 1 year ago Report

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Look below and i wanted to ask you if you think i should just give up . don't want to send a Xmas card this yr. every year i have just to be a better person along w/mother day and Day. couple times i even sent ones that were what i wish she was like just to maybe be like that..kind, considerate, loving and no matter if she agrees with what i do with my life accepts me as an individual and still be there for me. this yr i don't want to bother. i want to skip the prodigal sister too. i am upset that most my life was babysitting her while all my friends were outside playing. i had tremendous responsibilities at a very young age. my sister said it was her time to shine but i didn't know she was going to totally suck up the spot light to the retirement off the rest of us.  she lives her life from my mothers eyes and i live my life for me. I cant believe she has said "ma your not being fair". she has ,neither one has even called to see how i am doing health wise. it's been 1yr . last year my son stuck up for me and sister got pissed off and now he is out in left field. i want to post a debate on to or not to send a card to something like this.what do you think? i don't think as far as my inheritances i will ever see them. they will all go to the sister for sure. i want to say how disappointed i am to my sister but last year when i did she sent me a answer and sent a copy to my mother. i was so upset she answered to please my mother and never asked about me. that's when i told her about my surgeries. this is so insane i don't know how to address this if at all anymore..i am too old for this . my mother just sold her house(she's building one on sisters land) i asked for a piece of Furniture that was my grand parents. She got rid of it w/out giving me the chance to buy it off her. she says it wasn't theirs ..i know darn well it was i used to play in it in gramps garage when she saw it and took it to fix up. i told her i wanted it if she ever got rid of it..well there it went!!!

kitana

I do understand how you feel. I'm the second to the youngest, but the middle daughter of four. My brother is the oldest and my older sister acts like mom sometimes and luckily, my youngest sister and I get along great. There were times when I felt my mom didn't have the same kind of love or time for me as she did my other siblings. Having only one brother and my oldest sister I felt was prettier than me, (I have since gotten over that), and my youngest sister almost died when she was born. With all that going, I can't say I didn't get to do things when I was younger, it just felt like anything I did I had to really be outstanding to make her say; "Hey, great job." I finally came to the point where I actually got into a huge argument with her and I made her listen to how I felt. Finally, we came to some sort of I guess you could say understanding with each other. It took years and years. The only advice I can give you is to make her listen to you. Tell her that this is how you feel and this is how she makes you feel. Either she will do it or not but you can at least know that YOU tried. You can't do anymore than that. It's hard when you realize that your parents are more than parents, they are people too with flaws just like everyone else.
I wish you lots of luck and you will be in my prayers.

answered 1 year ago

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Thanks Kitana you are so right and yes it is hard especially when I feel I carried the load at such a young age and no one seams to remember or act appreciative. All she seems to do is find neg. things to accuse me of then call me a liar when I try to set her straight. Nothing I can do to change her out look and i've tried 4 yrs! I have done all I can do and now will send my last card to her and tell her" think what you want" it's time to escape the pain she tries to send my way and let go. It will be up to her now to make amends. God only knows I have tried my heart out. I can't imagine why she told me growing up " your gonna be no good just like your father(bio. who left when I was 4) I think she has that in her head and no matter what i do thats all she will think. Sad but there's worse out there!! God Bless us all! She remarried and my 1/2 sister is a product of that marriage.. my sister is lovin life with the spot light totally on her and her family right now. I wrote her and she answered me and sent a copy to my mother of her answer. It was to appease mother and no sense of concern for me! She will also be told how disappointed I am in her... I gave up a good portion of my childhood taking care of her! Thanks all for letting me vent and for all the great answers. I appreciate them and your helpfulness!!! God Bless!!!!And thanks for prayers can use them!!!!

comment made by Queenie2u2 1 year ago Report

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Thanks Kitana you are so right and yes it is hard especially when I feel I carried the load at such a young age and no one seams to remember or act appreciative. All she seems to do is find neg. things to accuse me of then call me a liar when I try to set her straight. Nothing I can do to change her out look and i've tried 4 yrs! I have done all I can do and now will send my last card to her and tell her" think what you want" it's time to escape the pain she tries to send my way and let go. It will be up to her now to make amends. God only knows I have tried my heart out. I can't imagine why she told me growing up " your gonna be no good just like your father(bio. who left when I was 4) I think she has that in her head and no matter what i do thats all she will think. Sad but there's worse out there!! God Bless us all! She remarried and my 1/2 sister is a product of that marriage.. my sister is lovin life with the spot light totally on her and her family right now. I wrote her and she answered me and sent a copy to my mother of her answer. It was  to appease mother and no sense of concern for me! She will also be told how disappointed I am in her... I gave up a good portion of my childhood taking care of her! Thanks all for letting me vent and for all the great answers. I appreciate them and your helpfulness!!! God Bless!!!!And thanks for prayers can use them!!!!

desertkid

Queenie2, I have read your bio and agree that you are definitely facing some physical and emotional challenges. While you are waiting for this operation and can be part of this group, feel free to ask as many questions as you want, and also to answer others' questions as well. It also may be a good way to "vent" about some of your issues and maybe make some new friends. Do you have a network of friends or relatives in your area who can help you with your daily activities?

answered 1 year ago

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desert kid thanks for answer..no I am pretty much alone. My friends live a ways and try to see me.. hard because all busy. I don't have any family my mother and 1/2 sister who wants all the attention and gets it. Have tried to get answers from mother but she won't answer my calls or letters. I want to forget her but she has some things that are mine I hate to leave and could really use. with holidays don't know what to do they shown no concern for me in over 1 yr. read above..what do you think?

comment made by Queenie2u2 1 year ago Report

queenie2u2

Thanks padraig for ur answer. I have tried before the money part to talk to her no response. Almost like she doesn't care. Oh well! She even invites my ex & wife to her house! She very meterial & judgemental I'm not. I think she is very controling like my ex was. My sis kisses her ---.My friends say she ice queen. I just feel if she don't want anything to do w/me than give me my things and that will be that. She gave my brother up for adoption before me. If it weren't for my grandparents I would wish she would have given me up so I could of had a chance at better life. Life now is what I make it..it just hurts!

answered 1 year ago

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at the end of the day you can only keep yourself right and hope that eventually they will come to realise that all family is important. god forbid, but if something tragic happened to your mum where would that leave your sister. your mum and you both sound strong willed,and adamant. personality wise not a great combination unless you are both on the same side. give her a bit of distance but keep writing and offering the olive branch. if the problem is hers and she responds negatively then at least your conscience is clear. not everyone can change, so try not to loose heart.

comment made by Padraig 1 year ago Report

My Mother Has Changed Or Am I Seeing Her True Colors For The First Time

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