What Should I Definitely Not Write In The Personal Statement Section Of A Job Application Form?

Just for fun, I've wondered why they ask you to write a personal statement and wondered what you might humourously write if you didn't particularly want the job:

1) I've got a worrying rash in the region of 'pantolonia'
2) I've got a third nipple.
3) I'm into water sports and I don't mean jet skis - if you catch my drift
4) I like little boys
5) People tend to run away from me
6) I enjoy dressing up as Batman, but only one work days, at the weekend I'm Debra.
7) I've been married eight times, but I can't keep a lady boy happy.
8) After I came out of prison...
9) What do I write here?
10) I often ask myself is there a God?
11) My favourite song is I Don't Like Mondays, can you guess why?