How Do I Become A Fairy/mermaid?

Not sure really but i found these on how to turn into a mermaid
a poem said works
Moonlight    Moonlight  you  make  me  want  to  scream
Moonlight    Moonlight  you  make  me  want  to  beam
You   wake  up  at  night  time
You   go  away  at  dawn
2nd idea  (spell)
-Lay in a tub or pool. (Works better at night)
-Wear your symbol.
-Put something of yours related to the ocean.
-Recite this spell:
“Witches of the waters, answer my call.
I plead for one wish that will forever
change me. Duel a spell of immortal
powers. A human being when dry, but as
for a _(color) tail will grow when wet.
Rain can’t harm me, only other drops of
h20. As for I plead along to _(power)
water in anyway. So witches and widows
of our sea, cast the mermaid spell upon
me.”
3rd idea
This spell really works. It makes you like one of the H2O girls. It takes about one month for a full tail to come when you touch water (even a tiny drop will change you) and about two months to get a power.
Recite:
Insouciant inclemency
Redoubtable mediocracy
Refutable humanity
Make me what I wish to be…..
A MERMAID
Witches one and witches all
Give this power to me
Repeat 10 times
Whatever you do, DO NOT SAY THIS WHILE DRY!!!!! You do not have to be in the bath, shower, pool, or ocean while you say this. Some part of you just has to be touching water. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY THIS ON A FULL MOON. Just don’t look at it or you will regret looking at it (after saying the spell).
After saying this spell, you will probably have side effect(s) like singing well a lot, stomachaches, achy or itchy legs, the urge to drink a lot of water, the urge to touch water/go swimming, a rash, mermaid dreams, dizzines, weakness, and the unconscious urge to keep your legs crossed or together. Sometimes your legs might even stick together.
Tail colors vary, and you do not decide what color your tail will be. You do not get to choose your power. Powers I’ve heard of are the H2O powers (heating, freezing, or shaping water), psychic powers, and telekinesis.
For this spell to work, you need to have a symbol; something that is special to you and is on your upper body (so it will still be visible when you grow a tail). It can be a necklace, a bracelet, a ring, your hair, your eyes, etc. You cannot take it off for more than two hours at a time or you will lose your powers and tail or the spell won’t work. You also have to believe the spell will work or else it won’t. I’ve seen its effects; it does work.
Anyone with more questions can post them on here in an entry and I will answer them as best as I can.
PS Boys can say this spell and have it work too. I think everything just takes a little longer for them.
I'm just a guest
i really wanna try these spells
and also have more ideas 4 magic but no spells sorry

You never know it could work.

You surely jest.  You do not, can not, will not, ever become anything more than the human you are at this time.  Hopefully, you will read a bit more and learn a lot more about nature.   You can enjoy books and use your imagination about fairies and mermaids but you will continue to be the person that God made you to be.  

Logically impossible