Beers: now that I have your attention. I'm confused. What's the difference between lagers, ales, malts, and stouts?

Basically, there are two kinds; lagers and ales.  The difference is in the yeast fermentation style, bottom for lager and top for ale.  Different "recipes" will change the flavor.  Some have lots of hops, while others are fruity or sweet.  Here's a simple description:

Same thing, but a better idea of the colors.

If there's a microbrewery in your area, the tours are very interesting.