Tell us a story. It should be short and it should be true. Make us laugh or sympathize with you. (I need this because it's May 15 and it has been snowing all morning and I need cheering up.)?

How about some Rodney Dangerfield jokes ? These will get a laugh from you ! :)

Rodney Dangerfield's Best One-Liners | Steven B. Harper

OK .. We used to live next to a golf course.  I was out walking and as I went past some golfers at a tee I heard someone say, "NICE BUTT!!".  I was shocked!  That's so rude ... Who do they think they are talking to me like that!!!  I continued to walk by as I mumbled under my breath.  As I continued on .. I heard one of them say "REALLY NICE PUTT!!".  Oops ... My bad.  :)

Snowing, what? How awful. 

You may not want to hear this, Rath, but my daughter and I just came in to take a break from riding our jet-skis. Need to put on some sunscreen.

Well I'm much better at telling stories than writing them down, but you've given me a worthy cause, so here's one I hope you'll like:

In 1986, I was a 2nd LT on a layover between deployments in Munich, Germany. There was a group of Italian tourists crowding the tavern my buddies and I had stopped at. Three of us, probably 20 of them, and they were in a nasty mood. Between the group they were  cursing the service, mocking the servers, the food and everyone else, in their native tongue, to their own collective amusement. Into this fray walk the 3 of us. Like a henhouse, the chatter erupted, about us. One older lady says to her compadre, in Italian, "These Americans, look at them, they act like they own everything, they think they know everything, ...Fools."

I turned my head toward her and said, in perfect fluency, "Si, alcuni di noi sa nemmeno Italiano", (Yes, some of us even know Italian). The sudden silence was deafening. We drank in peace after that.

Mrs Didge and I spent the 1980s competing in triathlon. She was a much better swimmer than I and, since we did much of our cycle training together, she was pretty much able to hold her own against me during that leg of the race. But the run belonged to me and I always passed her well before the finish.

Except once.

One of the buoys broke away during the swim leg and floated down the river before an official caught it and re-anchored it so what should have been a 1600 metre (1 mile) swim turned into something more than 2000-metres. The bike ride was 60 km(about 37 miles) and the final leg was only 10 km (6 miles), which was pretty short in those days.

I didn't have time to run her down and when I got to the finish line she had all her friends lined up on both sides of the road to jeer at me. She has never let me forget it.

Mind you, she was no slouch, and that was the year she won the State championship for her age group.

Last Saturday I was going to leave for a week on the beach. Check in was at 3 pm and I live about 1.5 hours away. I had to pick my mom up first and told I would get her around noon thinking we would eat lunch before check-in.

I got up at 7 am to feed the dogs. (I have one that insists on being fed that early. He started at 5:30 so we are making progress! Lol!) After feeding him  left the back door open so he and my other dog could use the doggy door off the porch to potty and I climbed back in bed. I had packed the car the night before and figured I would have a nice lazy morning before leaving.

We haven't had our house  that long and I am still trying to figure out the timer on the sprinkler system. For some reason the sprinklers came on a second time that morning. Skully, the one who likes to get up early also likes to play in the sprinklers. After they ran for their 15 minutes he comes running back into to the house and jumps up on the bed with me. He is one happy, bouncy dog. That is when I realize that he is not only soaking wet, but his paws are all muddy! My relaxing morning ended up with me bathing the dog, then cleaning all the mud out of the shower, mopping the floors, and washing all my bed linens. I was an hour late picking up my mom.

At least this time Skully looked at least a little sorry he made a mess. Last time he looked proud of it!